I've had some truly insane people lately. I worked a lot of overtime this week, which gave me ample opportunity to talk to some real charmers. I'm going to try to write them up eventually, but my mind is basically trying to power itself off constantly. My grandmother was diagnosed with a stage four malignant tumor - we had no idea she even had a tumor at all, neither did she. I haven't lost anyone close to me except my grandfather twenty years ago, and the prospect of it has knocked the wind out of me. It's also triggered a stress-fest about a number of other things, I think because it's easier to worry about money or whatever than it is to worry about death.
Anyway, I again might be kind of quiet while I process this. Or I might suddenly feel like writing and end up with an entry every day for the next month. Who knows!
Friday, May 25, 2012
Monday, May 21, 2012
Excellent start.
I met my boss's boss for the first time tonight, and I don't think I impressed him.
See, he'd gathered us all around for a group meeting. It was all about statistics. He spent a few minutes covering information, and when we were talking about handle time he said "your team's average has been low, quit worrying about it." When we were talking about being marked down for repeat calls, he basically told us to shut up and stop whining. Then he started talking about the customer satisfaction surveys. When we all expressed concern about them, worry about getting low scores, etc., his response was: "Guys, don't worry so much. Everybody's human and nobody's perfect all the time, okay?" He then followed it up with a scowl. "But what is going on with quality assurance scores? Why are we getting low scores on those ever?"
I couldn't help it. It was too obvious. I knew as it was coming out of my mouth that it was not a good move in term of workplace politics, but .... "Because like you just said, everybody's human and nobody's perfect all the time." The boss stared at me like I'd sprouted another head. I shrugged. "Those calls are chosen random and we're going to forget things sometimes."
He continued staring at me. I don't think he likes me.
See, he'd gathered us all around for a group meeting. It was all about statistics. He spent a few minutes covering information, and when we were talking about handle time he said "your team's average has been low, quit worrying about it." When we were talking about being marked down for repeat calls, he basically told us to shut up and stop whining. Then he started talking about the customer satisfaction surveys. When we all expressed concern about them, worry about getting low scores, etc., his response was: "Guys, don't worry so much. Everybody's human and nobody's perfect all the time, okay?" He then followed it up with a scowl. "But what is going on with quality assurance scores? Why are we getting low scores on those ever?"
I couldn't help it. It was too obvious. I knew as it was coming out of my mouth that it was not a good move in term of workplace politics, but .... "Because like you just said, everybody's human and nobody's perfect all the time." The boss stared at me like I'd sprouted another head. I shrugged. "Those calls are chosen random and we're going to forget things sometimes."
He continued staring at me. I don't think he likes me.
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Dickshoes.
(Title is just for a certain blonde friend who liked it so much!)
So far I'm not impressed with my new boss. I think I'll call him Twerp. Perhaps it's the fact that he looks about 21 and can't grow a proper mustache but keeps trying. Perhaps it's the fact he called out of work the other day to get Diablo III at midnight and play it all day. Perhaps it's the fact that he keeps reminding us about attendance but he's late at least 50% of the time.
But the last straw was today. There are certain things that of course only supervisors can do. One of those things is a certain type of tech visit for downgrading equipment. I needed that done, and Twerp was standing around talking to another supervisor.
"Hey, can you please do an equipment downgrade for me?"
"No."
I just sort of looked at him.
"You need to send that to the verification team. I can't do it."
Bullshit, I thought. He'd done it two days before. "But my old supervisor did them all the time?"
"Well, I can't. So instead of arguing with me you should be back on the phone taking care of your customer!"
"I'm not arguing," I said as I started to turn away. "I was just confused."
Now this is what really pissed me off: he turned to the other supervisor and said, "Annnnnd she'sstill talking!"
Oh, HELL NO. We are not going to get along. At this rate I'll be looking for another schedule change as soon as this 90 days is up.
So far I'm not impressed with my new boss. I think I'll call him Twerp. Perhaps it's the fact that he looks about 21 and can't grow a proper mustache but keeps trying. Perhaps it's the fact he called out of work the other day to get Diablo III at midnight and play it all day. Perhaps it's the fact that he keeps reminding us about attendance but he's late at least 50% of the time.
But the last straw was today. There are certain things that of course only supervisors can do. One of those things is a certain type of tech visit for downgrading equipment. I needed that done, and Twerp was standing around talking to another supervisor.
"Hey, can you please do an equipment downgrade for me?"
"No."
I just sort of looked at him.
"You need to send that to the verification team. I can't do it."
Bullshit, I thought. He'd done it two days before. "But my old supervisor did them all the time?"
"Well, I can't. So instead of arguing with me you should be back on the phone taking care of your customer!"
"I'm not arguing," I said as I started to turn away. "I was just confused."
Now this is what really pissed me off: he turned to the other supervisor and said, "Annnnnd she'sstill talking!"
Oh, HELL NO. We are not going to get along. At this rate I'll be looking for another schedule change as soon as this 90 days is up.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Things that are not fraud #2
Today, dear friends, we have another example of Things That That Are Not Fraud: giving you something free for a limited time.
"Thank you for calling The Second Level Of Hell, how can I help you?"
"YOU TOOK MY AMC CHANNEL!"
Sigh. Yes, I personally reached down like the hand of God and removed that one channel from just your house. I just don't like your face, what can I say?
"Oh, I'm sorry sir. AMC isn't in the channel package you currently subscribe to, but--"
"Yes it is! I've always had it! You took it!"
"No sir. We had a two-week free preview of it, but that came to an end several weeks ago." And two weeks isn't always, you dumbass.
"Well, that isn't fair. I want it back!"
I gave him some details on how to get that channel back, and again he blew the fuck up. "Why should I have to pay for it! I've always had it! You can't just give me something and then take it away! That's fraud!"
(Fraud is the magic word. If I could make it sparkle, I would).
So let's review. We gave somebody an extra channel free for two months. It appeared out of the blue, complete with a little banner at the bottom saying "We hope you enjoy this free preview!" And then, this thing that you weren't supposed to have in the first place went away. Tell me class .... what isn't this?
"Thank you for calling The Second Level Of Hell, how can I help you?"
"YOU TOOK MY AMC CHANNEL!"
Sigh. Yes, I personally reached down like the hand of God and removed that one channel from just your house. I just don't like your face, what can I say?
"Oh, I'm sorry sir. AMC isn't in the channel package you currently subscribe to, but--"
"Yes it is! I've always had it! You took it!"
"No sir. We had a two-week free preview of it, but that came to an end several weeks ago." And two weeks isn't always, you dumbass.
"Well, that isn't fair. I want it back!"
I gave him some details on how to get that channel back, and again he blew the fuck up. "Why should I have to pay for it! I've always had it! You can't just give me something and then take it away! That's fraud!"
(Fraud is the magic word. If I could make it sparkle, I would).
So let's review. We gave somebody an extra channel free for two months. It appeared out of the blue, complete with a little banner at the bottom saying "We hope you enjoy this free preview!" And then, this thing that you weren't supposed to have in the first place went away. Tell me class .... what isn't this?
How to get things out of customer service agents.
I've written before about tips for the general public on how to treat servers, but I think it's time for that kind of post regarding call centers! Because just as it was obvious that half the population has no idea how to behave in a public restaurant, it's obvious that 80% or more lose any sense of politeness when they're on the phone.
Let's start with some basics. What is a customer service representative's job? It's to make the customer as happy as we can within the guidelines the company will allow. Pretty simple and straight-forward. Our job, really, is not to make the company money. That's the sales department's job! Oh, we might be required to suggest extra services to you, but for the most part, we are not a source of income for the company.
But it seems like what a lot of people think is that customer service reps are there to make their lives difficult. They think we're there to say no, we're there to trick them or get something for company out of them. We're there to make them unhappy. Those people call in and are combative and unpleasant right out of the bag. Others are just a little snotty or rude.
Here's the big bad secret: I bet if you polled CSRs, 99.9% would say they don't give a flea fiddling flying rat's fucking ass about the company. Oh, maybe in a vague way. Like, "I want the company to make money so that I get better raises." That's kind of it, though.
If it were up to me, I'd give everybody everything they asked for because I'm a nice person. Oh, shut up and stop laughing. But instead, I have to abide by the company's rules, or I'm out of a job. That's pretty much how any customer service job works, really. I'm at the mercy of the company if I want to keep my job, and at the mercy of the customer if I want to get my bonus/tips/whatever. That's the life of anybody in customer service. It's not worth losing my source of income because some random person wants an extra discount on something.
That said, anybody who works for a company long enough figures out how to work the system to get people things at better rates. So how do you get people to give you these things? How do you get someone to apply their sneaky-yet-legal skills to benefit you?
Shockingly, sarcasm doesn't work. If I offer something and you snort and say "oh well that's just great. is that all?" then hell yes, that's fucking all. Also amazing, threats are not the way. You can threaten me over the phone from six states away all you want. I've got your address on my computer screen in front of you. You have mine? Didn't think so. Yeah, sure, bitch to my supervisor, I'm sure he'll just absolutely come down on me since he's been listening to this whole thing. And don't fucking lie. Don't tell me the last agent hung up on you (does not happen as often as you think), your service goes out for the half the day every day but you just "never bothered" in two years to call, or that you were promised our most expensive package for $20. And don't pull out the "I'm a loyal customer" crap. A real loyal customer wouldn't call every year like clockwork asking for an extra discount. A real loyal customer values the service they get. And a real loyal customer has been a customer for more than six months.
So if you shouldn't be sarcastic, threaten, or lie, what does that leave? I know, I know, it's a craaaaaaazy idea ... but how about acting like a human being? Say hello, and answer my questions without heaving a sigh that could knock all the leaves off a tree. When you're offered something, say thank you. I promise it won't burn your tongue. If you want more (because who the hell doesn't), say "that's so great, thank you! I'd appreciate anything else you can do to help lower my bill." Treat it like a conversation, not a confrontation. If you do, I might remove your full-price HBO and give it to you free for a while. I might offer you the free equipment upgrade instead of the one that costs. I might tell you a secret that'll save you money permanently. I might even bend the rules to within an inch of breaking, if I like you. Because anybody not in business for themselves enjoys helping a customer stick it to The Man sometimes, even if it's just a little bit.
Will it always work? Hell no. There are customer service agents out there who don't give a fuck about anything or anyone. But here's the trick: start out nice, until you see who you're dealing with. If you start out being nasty, you really can't gain back that ground. You've already made me not like you. So be nice, and then if you don't get what you want, and it seems like the person just doesn't care? Then push a little, sure. But if the voice on the other end of the phone sounds sincere, if they're looking for options and treating you with respect, then return the goddamn favor, you asshat.
Let's start with some basics. What is a customer service representative's job? It's to make the customer as happy as we can within the guidelines the company will allow. Pretty simple and straight-forward. Our job, really, is not to make the company money. That's the sales department's job! Oh, we might be required to suggest extra services to you, but for the most part, we are not a source of income for the company.
But it seems like what a lot of people think is that customer service reps are there to make their lives difficult. They think we're there to say no, we're there to trick them or get something for company out of them. We're there to make them unhappy. Those people call in and are combative and unpleasant right out of the bag. Others are just a little snotty or rude.
Here's the big bad secret: I bet if you polled CSRs, 99.9% would say they don't give a flea fiddling flying rat's fucking ass about the company. Oh, maybe in a vague way. Like, "I want the company to make money so that I get better raises." That's kind of it, though.
If it were up to me, I'd give everybody everything they asked for because I'm a nice person. Oh, shut up and stop laughing. But instead, I have to abide by the company's rules, or I'm out of a job. That's pretty much how any customer service job works, really. I'm at the mercy of the company if I want to keep my job, and at the mercy of the customer if I want to get my bonus/tips/whatever. That's the life of anybody in customer service. It's not worth losing my source of income because some random person wants an extra discount on something.
That said, anybody who works for a company long enough figures out how to work the system to get people things at better rates. So how do you get people to give you these things? How do you get someone to apply their sneaky-yet-legal skills to benefit you?
Shockingly, sarcasm doesn't work. If I offer something and you snort and say "oh well that's just great. is that all?" then hell yes, that's fucking all. Also amazing, threats are not the way. You can threaten me over the phone from six states away all you want. I've got your address on my computer screen in front of you. You have mine? Didn't think so. Yeah, sure, bitch to my supervisor, I'm sure he'll just absolutely come down on me since he's been listening to this whole thing. And don't fucking lie. Don't tell me the last agent hung up on you (does not happen as often as you think), your service goes out for the half the day every day but you just "never bothered" in two years to call, or that you were promised our most expensive package for $20. And don't pull out the "I'm a loyal customer" crap. A real loyal customer wouldn't call every year like clockwork asking for an extra discount. A real loyal customer values the service they get. And a real loyal customer has been a customer for more than six months.
So if you shouldn't be sarcastic, threaten, or lie, what does that leave? I know, I know, it's a craaaaaaazy idea ... but how about acting like a human being? Say hello, and answer my questions without heaving a sigh that could knock all the leaves off a tree. When you're offered something, say thank you. I promise it won't burn your tongue. If you want more (because who the hell doesn't), say "that's so great, thank you! I'd appreciate anything else you can do to help lower my bill." Treat it like a conversation, not a confrontation. If you do, I might remove your full-price HBO and give it to you free for a while. I might offer you the free equipment upgrade instead of the one that costs. I might tell you a secret that'll save you money permanently. I might even bend the rules to within an inch of breaking, if I like you. Because anybody not in business for themselves enjoys helping a customer stick it to The Man sometimes, even if it's just a little bit.
Will it always work? Hell no. There are customer service agents out there who don't give a fuck about anything or anyone. But here's the trick: start out nice, until you see who you're dealing with. If you start out being nasty, you really can't gain back that ground. You've already made me not like you. So be nice, and then if you don't get what you want, and it seems like the person just doesn't care? Then push a little, sure. But if the voice on the other end of the phone sounds sincere, if they're looking for options and treating you with respect, then return the goddamn favor, you asshat.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Maybe I'll finish this post instead of falling asleep on my couch.
Anything is possible, after all.
I just can't seem to sleep enough lately. I think it's because of all the schedule changes. In three and a half weeks, I've flip-flopped between four different shifts: first 7am-5 Friday-Monday, then 2-10:30 Sat-Wed, then 6am-2:30 Mon-Fri, now 3-midnight Sat-Wed. My body is freaking out and trying to sleep at every opportunity.
And sometimes my calls are boring enough I could almost sleep through them. Oh, I get the occasional screamer who's pissed off about something retarded (get to that in a minute), but usually it's "You want to cancel? Why is that? You just want a discount? Here you go." Or "Okay, send the stuff back in 30 days, good luck not getting fucked in the ass by our competitor who I know from personal experience lies about their fees." Gets a little wearing sometimes, I wish there were a way to prerecord certain things and just play them back when I do a crossword or something!
And now the later ....
One of the (many) things some people get absolutely fucking psychotic about is local channels. Here's the deal, folks: the FCC declared a long-ass time ago that pay-TV services cannot offer locals outside of their demographic areas. If you're in Philadelphia, you're not getting Houston locals. I don't care how much of a fuss you raise, it's not happening. Oh, there are a few exceptions. RV'ers can get LA or NYC locals through a separate service. There are a few "superstations"/channels using the same name as superstations that can be gotten remotely, depending on which company you're with.
That last was what today's crazy bitch was after. There were notes on the account that the woman had called before pitching a fit about missing a CW station in her state -- not her demographic area she can get the locals from, but on the other side of her state. She'd been offered one of the other CW stations, even offered it free for a year, but that wasn't good enough. As far as I'm concerned, they're all the same -- they have a few shows like Supernatural that are original, there are some talk shows, but it's mostly syndicated re-runs. Not seeing the big fucking deal.
Well, she let me know pretty quickly that that particular CW station was where they watched all their sports. This bitch got under my skin enough that I just looked at the schedule for every fucking day on that station, and there are no goddamn sports (or sssssssports as she said it). But she was just fucking livid.
"I specifically asked this guy named Chase, and two other young men, if we would have this channel because that's where we watch all our ssssssports. He said we would, and it's all lies, just a pack of lies!"
I tried to assure her it was an honest mistake, that we don't intentionally lie (not that I don't think it happens sometimes). I suspect what happened was she asked if she'd get all her locals, not about that specific channel, and the answer was yes. I explained about locals outside the demographic area. I explained that some companies have contracts with different superstations. In short, I explained there was nothing I could do to get her that station, and why.
"Well that's just not acceptable! We got it with our old company! We never would have switched! We were told we'd get it!" she kept saying things like that, as if by force of will she could change FCC regulations. I offered to extend her free superstation for two years. This was when I knew she wasn't serious about the sssssssports issues, because her response wasn't "that won't get me my games."
Instead, her response was, "What, so I have to REMEMBER to call back and deal with this AGAIN in two years?" Not "thank you for offering me something free for two goddamn years." Of course not. I patiently explained that there is literally no way in my system to make something free forever.
"Well! You'd better fix this! If you can't get it I want you to pay to have my old service restarted!"
I did not smirk and say we would not be doing that, nor would we be waiving the early contract termination fee that was more than $400. Although the idea of her head exploding was quite amusing. Instead, I politely repeated my offers.
"That's not good enough! I was lied to! Lies, all lies!" she was working herself in to such a frenzy I thought I heard spittle hitting the phone. "We'd better come to a happy medium about this!"
I repeated my offers, yet again. But naturally, to her, a "happy medium" is what she wants, regardless of what is actually possible.
"That's not good enough! You'd better fix this or I am going to report you to the state attorney general's office!"
I nearly sighed in relief. Why couldn't the crazy bitch have said that twenty minutes early? Now I could transfer her off to someone else -- "lawyer" and such are magic words. I got her over to the contract/legal department and I went on break, because Jesus H. Christ in a sidecar, I thought her hatred was going to melt my brain.
Now, I might have been sympathetic if she hadn't been combative from the state. Or if it weren't such a retarded thing to be freaking out about anyway. Or maybe if she hadn't waited a month after installation to call. Or if it weren't for the fact that a thirty second web search would have told her my company doesn't have that station. Check Wikipedia, bitch.
Not to mention, if it was that motherfucking important, why wouldn't she check it before she signed the installation papers? I made sure Fox was coming in so I wouldn't miss the last season of House. Oh wait, but I'm not an idiot.
I just can't seem to sleep enough lately. I think it's because of all the schedule changes. In three and a half weeks, I've flip-flopped between four different shifts: first 7am-5 Friday-Monday, then 2-10:30 Sat-Wed, then 6am-2:30 Mon-Fri, now 3-midnight Sat-Wed. My body is freaking out and trying to sleep at every opportunity.
And sometimes my calls are boring enough I could almost sleep through them. Oh, I get the occasional screamer who's pissed off about something retarded (get to that in a minute), but usually it's "You want to cancel? Why is that? You just want a discount? Here you go." Or "Okay, send the stuff back in 30 days, good luck not getting fucked in the ass by our competitor who I know from personal experience lies about their fees." Gets a little wearing sometimes, I wish there were a way to prerecord certain things and just play them back when I do a crossword or something!
And now the later ....
One of the (many) things some people get absolutely fucking psychotic about is local channels. Here's the deal, folks: the FCC declared a long-ass time ago that pay-TV services cannot offer locals outside of their demographic areas. If you're in Philadelphia, you're not getting Houston locals. I don't care how much of a fuss you raise, it's not happening. Oh, there are a few exceptions. RV'ers can get LA or NYC locals through a separate service. There are a few "superstations"/channels using the same name as superstations that can be gotten remotely, depending on which company you're with.
That last was what today's crazy bitch was after. There were notes on the account that the woman had called before pitching a fit about missing a CW station in her state -- not her demographic area she can get the locals from, but on the other side of her state. She'd been offered one of the other CW stations, even offered it free for a year, but that wasn't good enough. As far as I'm concerned, they're all the same -- they have a few shows like Supernatural that are original, there are some talk shows, but it's mostly syndicated re-runs. Not seeing the big fucking deal.
Well, she let me know pretty quickly that that particular CW station was where they watched all their sports. This bitch got under my skin enough that I just looked at the schedule for every fucking day on that station, and there are no goddamn sports (or sssssssports as she said it). But she was just fucking livid.
"I specifically asked this guy named Chase, and two other young men, if we would have this channel because that's where we watch all our ssssssports. He said we would, and it's all lies, just a pack of lies!"
I tried to assure her it was an honest mistake, that we don't intentionally lie (not that I don't think it happens sometimes). I suspect what happened was she asked if she'd get all her locals, not about that specific channel, and the answer was yes. I explained about locals outside the demographic area. I explained that some companies have contracts with different superstations. In short, I explained there was nothing I could do to get her that station, and why.
"Well that's just not acceptable! We got it with our old company! We never would have switched! We were told we'd get it!" she kept saying things like that, as if by force of will she could change FCC regulations. I offered to extend her free superstation for two years. This was when I knew she wasn't serious about the sssssssports issues, because her response wasn't "that won't get me my games."
Instead, her response was, "What, so I have to REMEMBER to call back and deal with this AGAIN in two years?" Not "thank you for offering me something free for two goddamn years." Of course not. I patiently explained that there is literally no way in my system to make something free forever.
"Well! You'd better fix this! If you can't get it I want you to pay to have my old service restarted!"
I did not smirk and say we would not be doing that, nor would we be waiving the early contract termination fee that was more than $400. Although the idea of her head exploding was quite amusing. Instead, I politely repeated my offers.
"That's not good enough! I was lied to! Lies, all lies!" she was working herself in to such a frenzy I thought I heard spittle hitting the phone. "We'd better come to a happy medium about this!"
I repeated my offers, yet again. But naturally, to her, a "happy medium" is what she wants, regardless of what is actually possible.
"That's not good enough! You'd better fix this or I am going to report you to the state attorney general's office!"
I nearly sighed in relief. Why couldn't the crazy bitch have said that twenty minutes early? Now I could transfer her off to someone else -- "lawyer" and such are magic words. I got her over to the contract/legal department and I went on break, because Jesus H. Christ in a sidecar, I thought her hatred was going to melt my brain.
Now, I might have been sympathetic if she hadn't been combative from the state. Or if it weren't such a retarded thing to be freaking out about anyway. Or maybe if she hadn't waited a month after installation to call. Or if it weren't for the fact that a thirty second web search would have told her my company doesn't have that station. Check Wikipedia, bitch.
Not to mention, if it was that motherfucking important, why wouldn't she check it before she signed the installation papers? I made sure Fox was coming in so I wouldn't miss the last season of House. Oh wait, but I'm not an idiot.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Things That Are Not Fraud #1
Every day, somebody accuses me or the company of lying to them, pulling a bait and switch, trying to steal from them, etc. etc. I hear the word "fraud" so many times a day it almost doesn't sound like a real word anymore. So I think it's time for a new feature: Things that are not fraud, real examples of things customers think are, well, fraud.
And the first example of "things that are not fraud" is .... charging for a technician to come out to replace cables that you severed with your lawn mower. Yeah, I know it sucks to have to pay when you damage something. It's much more fun to throw a fit and accuse the big bad company of illegal activity. But back in the real world, if you broke it, you have to pay to fix it.
But hey, maybe I'm wrong. The next time you smash your car into something, try accusing the repair shop of fraud because they're going to charge you to fix it. Let me know how that works out for you.
And the first example of "things that are not fraud" is .... charging for a technician to come out to replace cables that you severed with your lawn mower. Yeah, I know it sucks to have to pay when you damage something. It's much more fun to throw a fit and accuse the big bad company of illegal activity. But back in the real world, if you broke it, you have to pay to fix it.
But hey, maybe I'm wrong. The next time you smash your car into something, try accusing the repair shop of fraud because they're going to charge you to fix it. Let me know how that works out for you.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
The new boss, retention training, and my bitchy alter-ego exposed!
Alright, I'm actually going to address those in reverse order, which my journalistic sense tells me is terrible but it just didn't flow right the other way!
I haven't been completely outed, although a comment I got a couple of posts down .... hello, fellow a-ha fan! I can't begin to guess who you are, because, you know, anonymous! But I'm very curious, I want to know who's found me out. So please appease my curiosity! Email me at slightlycranky at hotmail.com, or send me a private message on Facebook (because I'm assuming you know who I am from my tattoo pictures etc!).
Retention training is both better and worse than I expected. The actual training is boring as hell - and this bitchy chick announced to a group of people that it's obvious I want one of the guys in the training class (hey, K2 is adorable, what can I say), so that's super fun. The calls haven't been too bad. Disconnecting accounts isn't nearly as bothersome as I thought.
The part when I have to try to talk people out of cancelling, well, honestly I suck at it as much as I thought I would. When people are just searching for something free or a bargain, I am all over that. But the people calling in to say "I'm switching to your competitor because they're cheaper!" ... well, honestly it kind of flusters me. Because the truth is, when it comes to at least the other major competitors we have, our regular rates are absolutely cheaper. We charge the least for premium channels like HBO, we charge the least for channel packages, and we charge the same or less for extra receivers and stuff.
The thing is that people don't believe me. They assume I'm lying, because it's my job to try to keep them with the company. And I absolutely fucking hate it when people assume I'm a liar. I'm not a good liar at all. That's why I'm always getting told to "show more empathy" -- because I cannot say things to customers like "I'm so sorry you had this problem" when it's not actually a problem at all and they're just being dickshoes. But people assume I'm lying, and they get snotty with me. "They're going to give me all that free!" My aching fucking ass they are. "They're going to give me that price for two years!" No they're not. But whatever. I don't get a bonus or a penalty based on my save rate -- at least, not yet. I'm sure it's coming.
I've only had limited contact with my new boss so far, when I went in to work some overtime on Saturday. He's younger than me, which doesn't bother me too much. I had a 19 year old boss once, so at least it's not that bad this time. He seems cool. Not Frat Boy-cool, but hopefully I won't absolutely hate being on his team.
But here's the really good news, and why I can put up with the assholes thinking I'm a liar, etc: I got a 20% raise. More than I was expecting, and apparently more than most of the other people got. What can I say, I'm just that awesome.
I haven't been completely outed, although a comment I got a couple of posts down .... hello, fellow a-ha fan! I can't begin to guess who you are, because, you know, anonymous! But I'm very curious, I want to know who's found me out. So please appease my curiosity! Email me at slightlycranky at hotmail.com, or send me a private message on Facebook (because I'm assuming you know who I am from my tattoo pictures etc!).
Retention training is both better and worse than I expected. The actual training is boring as hell - and this bitchy chick announced to a group of people that it's obvious I want one of the guys in the training class (hey, K2 is adorable, what can I say), so that's super fun. The calls haven't been too bad. Disconnecting accounts isn't nearly as bothersome as I thought.
The part when I have to try to talk people out of cancelling, well, honestly I suck at it as much as I thought I would. When people are just searching for something free or a bargain, I am all over that. But the people calling in to say "I'm switching to your competitor because they're cheaper!" ... well, honestly it kind of flusters me. Because the truth is, when it comes to at least the other major competitors we have, our regular rates are absolutely cheaper. We charge the least for premium channels like HBO, we charge the least for channel packages, and we charge the same or less for extra receivers and stuff.
The thing is that people don't believe me. They assume I'm lying, because it's my job to try to keep them with the company. And I absolutely fucking hate it when people assume I'm a liar. I'm not a good liar at all. That's why I'm always getting told to "show more empathy" -- because I cannot say things to customers like "I'm so sorry you had this problem" when it's not actually a problem at all and they're just being dickshoes. But people assume I'm lying, and they get snotty with me. "They're going to give me all that free!" My aching fucking ass they are. "They're going to give me that price for two years!" No they're not. But whatever. I don't get a bonus or a penalty based on my save rate -- at least, not yet. I'm sure it's coming.
I've only had limited contact with my new boss so far, when I went in to work some overtime on Saturday. He's younger than me, which doesn't bother me too much. I had a 19 year old boss once, so at least it's not that bad this time. He seems cool. Not Frat Boy-cool, but hopefully I won't absolutely hate being on his team.
But here's the really good news, and why I can put up with the assholes thinking I'm a liar, etc: I got a 20% raise. More than I was expecting, and apparently more than most of the other people got. What can I say, I'm just that awesome.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Americaland.
"Thank you for calling Place I Work, my name is My Name. How can I help you?"
"Thank you, my name is Somebody With A Horribly Thick Accent, and I have a coostomer on the line who will only speak to an Amirican agent."
Oh shit, one of those. I was a little surprised because the name on the account was very French, and she had only a French television package on her account. I guess I figured someone foreign would be a little more understanding, but whatever. She came on the line and I started to do my usual greeting.
"Non!" she interrupted me. "No, I will not talk to you! I can tell by your voice that you are very far away, you are very quiet, and I will only talk to someone in this country!"
What the hell? She can tell by my voice that I'm far away? "I understand ma'am, but I can assure you I'm in the U.S. I'm three states east of you."
"No! I'm tired of you people lying to me and I will only speak to someone in Americaland!"
I didn't snort. Really. At least not until I'd gotten the crazy bitch to the contract department because she was insisting she shouldn't have to pay for a $600 piece of equipment she just didn't return.
"Thank you, my name is Somebody With A Horribly Thick Accent, and I have a coostomer on the line who will only speak to an Amirican agent."
Oh shit, one of those. I was a little surprised because the name on the account was very French, and she had only a French television package on her account. I guess I figured someone foreign would be a little more understanding, but whatever. She came on the line and I started to do my usual greeting.
"Non!" she interrupted me. "No, I will not talk to you! I can tell by your voice that you are very far away, you are very quiet, and I will only talk to someone in this country!"
What the hell? She can tell by my voice that I'm far away? "I understand ma'am, but I can assure you I'm in the U.S. I'm three states east of you."
"No! I'm tired of you people lying to me and I will only speak to someone in Americaland!"
I didn't snort. Really. At least not until I'd gotten the crazy bitch to the contract department because she was insisting she shouldn't have to pay for a $600 piece of equipment she just didn't return.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Thanks, Anonymous.
I got the following comment today: "Deal with it or a get a real job."
Thanks for your input on a post that's three fucking years old, idiot. People make me laugh.
Thanks for your input on a post that's three fucking years old, idiot. People make me laugh.
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