One of the more annoying things about my restaurant is that we're a training store for new managers. We didn't have any of the bastards there for about a year, which was great--they're always all about the tiny little rules and regulations that nobody else gives a shit about. Plus their presence brings in other corporate people to see how their training is going.
This batch of them has mostly been okay--with one glaring exception. One of them is an arrogant douchebag who thinks he's hot shit. Every time I work with him, it's just a non-stop litany of nit-picky stuff. Only instead of stating things as a rule, he has to make some asshole joke. "Hey, how big are those earrings? Yeah? That's funny, because I thought the employee handbook said earrings have to be under a half inch long."
The last time I worked with him, I was almost ready to just walk out because I was so sick of it:
"This food isn't going to run itself!" (I couldn't bite my tongue--"And these peoples' orders aren't going to take themselves either!") He said this while standing there doing nothing, of course.
"That better an important text, better be Obama or something." (to one of the cooks)
"Smile guys!" (FUCK YOU!)
"Let's make sure we're getting people the right food, we want them to have a good experience!" (No fucking way! Really?)
"Aren't glasses supposed to be full to the top with ice?" (Not if they asked for light ice, why don't you fuck off already?)
"Am I wrong here, isn't there a charge for a side of guacamole?" (No, not in this case. Again, fuck off.)
And on and on and on. My favorite, though, was when he picked up an ice cube off the floor and yelled, "Every ice cube counts, guys!"
That's when I decided he must be the bastard lovechild of Chicken Little and Lapdog.
ETA: SkippyMom's comment reminded me that after he said that, I started throwing ice everywhere when his back was turned. Floors, counters, in the cooks' window, etc. Muahahaha!