One of my first tables tonight was an older couple. They seemed pleasant enough, although the husband acted like he was making a big splurge by ordering the microbrew for $1 more. Then they both ordered a half-price appetizer. Whatever.
When I went to ring their drinks in, I thought I hit the "send" button, but I guess I missed it. It only took me about two minutes to realize that and get their drinks to them, but I still apologized to them for the delay and said it was my fault. They seemed fine.
Their food came; I checked on them, especially since the wife had a permanently disgusted look on her face--was hard to tell if something was wrong or if she was just a bitch. They were eating slowly, and I had four other tables, but they were all low-maintenance. I just kept making laps around in between running other servers' food and drinks.
Suddenly on one of my laps, the guy sticks his credit card in my face and says, "Are you short-handed tonight?"
"No, I don't think so." I was confused by the non-sequitor but just smiled.
"Well. It seems a little slow tonight."
"Oh, well I'm sorry about that." I said it sincerely but firmly--I was not about to fawn all over him or get the manager involved. Before I closed out their check, I ran a detailed report. Their drinks had been rung in 36 minutes before I was running their credit card, and their food 33 minutes later. I greeted them immediately after they sat down, but of course there was the two minute delay on their drinks. Let's round up and say that from the time they sat down to the time I ran their card, 40 minutes had elapsed.
Forty freaking minutes. From sitting to paying. On a Friday night. That's a little slow? Really? Fuck you, you impatient old fuck. Go to Village Inn for their microwaved old people special next time.