Oh, for fuck's sake.

Yeah, kind of like this.

Tonight was ridiculously slow, and once again we had ten goddamn servers on the floor. Even better, it was prom night for one of the local schools. One memorable girl was wearing a leopard-print, silver-sequin-edged top skimpier than Princess Leia's. My mother would never have let me out of the house like that even if I were slutty enough.

Luckily for me, I didn't have to wait on them. Instead I had nice mix of families and couples. Except for two of them. Two women came in and had a grand old time chatting over wine and salads and desserts. After two hours they left ….and left me $4 on $38 for my time. Inconsiderate wenches.

But the ones who really pissed me off were a couple who seemed so nice. They were the nicest people I waited on all night, actually. He asked for a drink recommendation; she took about five minutes to decide on a mojito, and kept laughing and apologizing. They ended up switching drinks, which was kind of funny. Their food came out in good time; the only 'problem' was that either they didn't ask for mustard when their food was dropped off or somebody forgot it, because while I was ringing in another order the lady came over and asked for mustard. She was very pleasant about it, and I know they hadn't been waiting long – their food was delivered as I took another order, I took two plates to another table, and was entering the order when she came over.

They gulped down the rest of their food and asked for the bill, then sat for a few more minutes. I didn't bug them because they had money carefully folded up and tucked under the edge of an appetizer plate; I just kept passing by and smiling in case they needed anything. When they left, I was very displeased to find $38.50 left on the table. Their bill was $38.38. Fuck you, dickheads. You had to wait maybe three minutes for your fucking mustard, which you asked somebody else for, and that warrants a 12 cent 'tip'? I hope you get a one cent raise the next time you're up for a review, you cheapasses.