Friday, November 14, 2008

I saw my future, and it was bad.

So after three hours of sleep and the discovering that basically there was no need for it, and finding out I'm going to be out $600, I dragged myself to work. I felt surprisingly energized, although in a weird way, in an unable to focus, making stupid jokes way. If we'd been busy at all, I would've fallen apart. As it was, my tables got good service, although sometimes I would walk repeatedly back and forth in front of the coffee pot before remembering to pick it up. I was wondering how I'd be holding up at, say, seven o'clock when the dinner rush hit. I had a feeling I was going to flip out, break down, and fuck up catastrophically. I do not do well when I'm tired.

And then .... someone offered to pick up my shift. I thought about it for an hour, because I really do need the money. But I knew the chances were good that it would a complete fuck up. So I gave away the shift. I came home, and I crawled into the bed, and I slept for about three hours. I guess I slept really well, because it felt like a lot longer; when I woke up I was sure it was the middle of the night. I only got up because I hadn't set an alarm and I wouldn't wake up for work tomorrow, but once I saw how early it was I figured I'd better stay up for a while.

I thought I'd be kicking myself for giving up the money, and it would've been nice to have it for sure. But I don't regret giving up my shift. I needed the sleep, I needed the rest, and I needed to not over-exhaust myself back into illness. I'm going to try to pick up shifts the next two nights to compensate, but even if I can't ... it's not worth getting sick again.

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