So after three hours of sleep and the discovering that basically there was no need for it, and finding out I'm going to be out $600, I dragged myself to work. I felt surprisingly energized, although in a weird way, in an unable to focus, making stupid jokes way. If we'd been busy at all, I would've fallen apart. As it was, my tables got good service, although sometimes I would walk repeatedly back and forth in front of the coffee pot before remembering to pick it up. I was wondering how I'd be holding up at, say, seven o'clock when the dinner rush hit. I had a feeling I was going to flip out, break down, and fuck up catastrophically. I do not do well when I'm tired.
And then .... someone offered to pick up my shift. I thought about it for an hour, because I really do need the money. But I knew the chances were good that it would a complete fuck up. So I gave away the shift. I came home, and I crawled into the bed, and I slept for about three hours. I guess I slept really well, because it felt like a lot longer; when I woke up I was sure it was the middle of the night. I only got up because I hadn't set an alarm and I wouldn't wake up for work tomorrow, but once I saw how early it was I figured I'd better stay up for a while.
I thought I'd be kicking myself for giving up the money, and it would've been nice to have it for sure. But I don't regret giving up my shift. I needed the sleep, I needed the rest, and I needed to not over-exhaust myself back into illness. I'm going to try to pick up shifts the next two nights to compensate, but even if I can't ... it's not worth getting sick again.
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