Sunday, July 26, 2009

Goddamn patio monkeys.

(ETA: I want to clarify something: I had no idea until R.A. posted a comment that "porch monkey" is used as a racial slur. I've never heard it before--I just called bitchy, ridiculous people on the patio "patio monkeys" until one day I accidentally called it the porch, and it stuck. I in no way meant anything racist by it--they were upper class whites, in fact. I apologize if anyone was offended.)

$2 in quarters is never a great tip. But on a $68 bill, it's an insult. On perfect service, it's an insult. When you sat on the patio and were annoying little patio monkeys the entire time, it's an insult.

And when all those circumstances combine, somebody is a big fucking bitch.

8 comments:

Steven Nicolle said...

Porch monkeys that is hilarious.

Justthe said...

porch monkeys! hehehehe

R.A. said...

even though i do agree that racial stereotypes are mostly accurate when it comes to tipping, i NEVER think it's cool to use phrases like that. just saying.

purplegirl said...

RA, I had no idea until just now that it was a slur (looked it up on Urban Dictionary when I saw your comment). I've never heard anyone else say it; I just started calling bitchy people who sit on the patio "porch monkeys" because I thought it was funny! I originally called them patio monkeys, but I accidentally called it the porch instead once and it stuck. I'll think twice before saying it again.

purplegirl said...

(FYI, the people I was talking about were pasty pale like me. :) )

Thomas said...

I made the EXACT same mistake.. I always used porch monkeys to talk about ugly girls who were going after my guy friends... until someone turned around and called me racists and I was totally aghast. :( My favorite inslut has already been taken.

purplegirl said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one to innocently mis-use it!

The Guy said...

This is way late, but check out "Clerks II" for an amusing "porch monkey" scene with Randal and Wanda Sykes.

Oh yeah, PG, great blog. I have been reading since yesterday. Got here from Sock Puppet Army.

I'm just a customer. Keep up the good work.

Guy