No, really. Get. out. of. here.
Last Saturday night, I was closing. We were rotating tables between three people, and unfortunately for me I was up when a herd of 18-22 year old people came in. They said they had eight; I got them settled and got their drinks--one at a time, of course, because nobody could decide they wanted "just water" at the same time, naturally.
Thirty minutes later, they still hadn't ordered. I kept going by them, kept stopping and asking if they were ready, kept getting blown off. I finally got frustrated and just sat down at started eating my dinner. Then four people came in, and before I could get to the door they had joined the stalling punks. And then three more joined them. And then some left, and some different ones showed up. I ended up bringing waters, waters, more waters, and maybe three other drinks to around 16 revolving people. Three people ordered appetizers. One person ordered a martini. She left somewhere in there, leaving seven dollars on the table--luckily that was enough to cover her martini, since she hadn't bothered to ask me for a ticket.
Turns out that one of the girls was shipping out to the Marines in a few days, and her friends and family thought they'd be sneaky and party at my restaurant--without ordering anything. Bastards.