Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Updated roll call!

Since some people have moved on, I thought it'd be appropriate to re-post this with updates ....

For a while, I had a "Cast of Characters" widget on my sidebar, but it was too clunky. But I want people to know who I'm talking about, I'm replacing it with a link to this post, which will be redundant for the time being.

GM/Chicken Little: Our GM, who regularly thinks the sky is falling. Possibly needs medication.

Lapdog: Named after a "House" quote about "because I'm a very high-strung little lapdog!" Possibly needs medication.

Bitter Divorced Man: Manager who's sometimes a riot, and other times won't speak to anyone the entire shift. Possibly needs medication.

Pot Smoking Manager: Almost too laid-back for his own good. Says he doesn't self-medicate, but cheerfully admits he doesn't remember most of the 80s.

Accent Girl: Her accent changes in the middle of sentences--she'll go from being Southern to being from Russia. She claims not to realize she's doing it, and yet it never happens when she's really involved in what she's saying.

Brainless: Not as bad as she used to be, but still a source of hilarity. And irritation because she tries to get out of her sidework every shift.

California Girl: Grew up in middle America, but seems like a surfer. Probably the best server in the place. Often calls me at three in the morning when she's had a few beers.

Dallas: Worthy of her own entry.

Flirty Priest: Cuter than a basket of kittens, foul-mouthed and foul-minded, flirts with everyone with tits .... and is attending a Christian college to be become a minister.

Fud: A nice woman, but has an annoying habit of expoing food and then yelling "hot FUUUUD" and standing there doing nothing waiting for someone else to pick it up. Unless it's for her table of course.

Idiot Expo: Started out as a cook but couldn't hack it; was moved to expo and sucks at that too. Apparently can't read, because every order that has mods is missing something--extra plates, three sides of ranch, whatever. After a month, I'm losing hope for improvement.

Judge Judy: Anyone who does anything differently than her is "a fucking idiot." Acts like she's so much better than everyone around her, and yet expects ridiculous amounts of sympathy for her personal problems. Ice on the counter pisses her off, and she sweeps it on to the floor; when I pointed out someone could slip, her response was "You should be wearing non-slip shoes."

New server who has the same spiky hair and overall look as Ryan Reynolds did in "Waiting". Not sure yet what I think of him--he doesn't talk to me much, other than to try to order me around. I guess because he was originally hired as a manager he thinks he's better than me. Too bad about being on probation because of that DUI, Monty.

Pennsyltucky: Grew up in this state, yet has affected such a banjo-twanging accent that I can't understand what he's saying most of the time. He's 19 and thinks he's got the world by the balls. Recently started serving, which ought to be interesting.

Rehab: Incessantly screaming know-it-all lifer who was a lot more fun before she quit drinking.

Wannabe: Hostess who does productions with the local theater company and thinks she's going to make it big someday (despite, uh, sucking). Mildly annoying, but I was learning to live with it until it turned out she's a two-faced squealer who rats people out to Chicken Little!

Wide-eyes: Has constantly bugged-out eyes she accentuates with tons of eye makeup, making her look perpetually shocked. Whines constantly about everything, shoves people out of her way when she wants to get to the computer, and basically acts like we should all bow down to her. Oh yeah, and she screws up non-stop.

The Vomit-Worthys: Married couple. She never misses a chance to call someone out about something and is always on the warpath about some little, insignificant thing she thinks the rest of us should be doing. Her husband is a nice enough guy--slightly creepy, though, as he gives backrubs to the other waitresses when his wife isn't around. When she is around, though, they earn their moniker--I think I know more about their sex life than my own.

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