Today's guest post comes from my favorite gift-card-giving-blogger, SkippyMom! If you'd like to join the guest post queue, please email your entry to slightlycranky at hotmail.com!
Way back in the day I was a waitress. It was a wonderful job with
flexibility for school [then family] and afforded me nice money on a
One Thursday evening I was working the cocktail shift at our
restaurant which was located near a business park. Every evening M-F
we had our regulars. Folks that worked in the park that would stop for
a beer or three before heading home. This particular Thursday I had a
party of 10 regulars that came in to celebrate a co-workers birthday.
And these folks were hell bent on drinking this guy under the table.
They were a fun group of people I had waited on in various groups of
twos and threes, but never all 10 of them at once. They weren't
exactly running me into the ground, but they were drinking so much
that by the time I dropped off one round of drinks I was headed back
to the bar for another round.
Then one of the gentlemen sitting at the opposite end of the table
from the birthday boy stood up and followed me back to the bar where I
was ordering their drinks from the bartender. He asked if he could
please have the birthday boy's next draft beer order. I asked him why
as I didn't want him drugging the poor man [they were already plying
him with shooters, shots and beers - he was wasted and the night was
still young.] The man held up a plastic bag with water in it and
showed me a goldfish.
A live goldfish that he now wanted me to put in birthday boy's drink.
Um....No. I did hand him the beer tho' and wished him luck. And
wouldn't you know? Luck was on his side that night because he managed
to get that poor fish in the guy's drink and serve it too him. The
birthday boy took a few sips while the table broke down in hysterical
laughter. Then he noticed the fish and all of a sudden he starts
"Waitress! OH WAITRESS! There is a goldfish in my beer! Oh waitress!"
As the rest of the restaurant went completely silent I ran over to
remove his glass and apologize but he wouldn't let me take his glass.
He thought it was great and he was going to drink that beer. Ohhhhkay
sir you are seriously inebriated. I convinced him to relinquish it,
grabbed him a new beer and managed to get the poor fish out the beer
and into a cup of tap water.
The best part of the night? My tip! Since it was a party of 10 I was
allowed to add 15% gratuity -to a $400 bill- $60.00! Cha-ching. That
was a lot of money for me at the time and I was so excited. Still, it
was to get better.
I always explained to my "auto grat" tables that the tip was included
so there wouldn't be any surprises. This table wasn't having it. They
insisted that I go back to the kitchen and find a bowl. A bowl?
Again...ohhhhkay? [Drunks, gotta love 'em] I retrieved the only thing
I could find - a huge pail we mixed greens in. I handed it over,
wished them a happy evening and proceeded to go and check on my other
Do you know what they did? They passed the pail around the table and
everyone was to throw in additional tip for me because I had "done
such a great job"! The total that came out of the pail?
$196. One hundred and ninety six dollars. I am not kidding. I still
remember the total to this day as I did try to argue and return some
of the money because, seriously, they were drunk and they didn't
realize how much it was until I pointed it out. They said nope, bid me
a good night and proceeded to pour themselves into various taxis lined
up out front to ferry them home to a sure to be had hangover the next
So for a few hours of serving drinks I made $256 and I got a goldfish
out of the deal! :D
And do you know? That little sucker lived for about six more months.