Another story from our friend DMT, who should start a blog because I know he's got a million more! :) As usual, to join the guest post queue email me at slightlycranky at hotmail.com.
This had to be one of my worst days its a given that nearly everyday you'll serve one
major asshole in addition to the run-of-the-mill minor ones you come across but this day
was a record breaker 4 full on Grade A wankers complete with strops, lies and verbal
Firstly I was clearing tables when customer A opened some electronic device he bought
somewhere else and threw the packaging on the floor I picked up the packaging and
approached the table
Me - Excuse me sir but you cant throw litter on the....
Customer A - Fuck off!
Shortly afterwards Customer B came in, bought a coffee, sat down with it, and took out
a Big Mac and Fries.
Me - Sorry sir but you cant bring food in from the outside and eat it here, if a manger were to see it we'd get into trouble
Customer B - Do I look like I care?
Me - Sorry, but you have to put that away, if you want I can give you a take away cup for your coffee so you can take it to a public table.
He called me something under his breath and put the food away.
Then I had customer C she was one of those people who acts polite and charming to get what
they then turn on you the moment you cant accommodate them
Customer C - I'd like a salad
Me - I'm sorry but we don't do salad as a meal
Customer C - But I just saw someone get a salad
Me - That was just a side salad to go with her sandwich it's only a few mixed leaves and a few cherry tomatoes we don't have the ingredients to make proper salad as a meal
Customer C - Can you just give me an extra large helping of side salad please?
Me - Okay but this is a once off, just dont tell anyone I did this for you or I'll get into trouble
(I gave her a dinner plate of mixed leaves cherry tomatoes and cucumber with French dressing)
Customer C - Do you not have any bread
Me - I can give you a portion of bread but it will cost X amount
Customer C - Thats ridiculous you cant honestly expect someone to eat a salad without bread!
Me - I'm sorry but bread only comes free with soup I've just given you a meal sized salad for the price of a side salad (which is pittance - but I didn't say that) I cant give out a free portion of bread I'll have to charge you if you want it
Customer C - I guess I'll just have to go with out then wont I ?
Yeah way to act like a spoiled ten year old brat
And Finally I had Customer D she was one of the infamous lying complainers, the ones who build
mountains out of molehills to get free stuff and blow everything out of proportion to get you into
even more trouble when they complain to your boss. She ordered a low fat latte, I was getting
mixed orders so I prepared a jug full of whole milk and a jug full of low fat. While I was grinding
the coffee I got mixed up and took the jug of whole milk, low fat milk isn't watery like skimmed
milk so it looks pretty much identical to whole milk, and steamed it. I handed Customer E her
coffee and she asked me was it low fat and of course I answered yes, she told me it wasn't
because I had taken the jug of whole milk, I apologized for my mistake and made her a fresh
low fat latte.
After getting her coffee she then started to tell me that what I did was irresponsible
and that if she had of drank the whole fat latte I would have left her hospitalized. At this point I
started to get pissed off because I had made an honest mistake and apologized I hadn't intentionally
made her coffee wrong just to be a dickhead but she was acting like I had and was making up a ton
of bullshit to make me look bad in front of the other customers. I have a degree in biology (dont you
just love recessions?) so I know for a fact that if she was allergic to full fat milk she'd also be allergic
to low fat as well. I just said "I'm very sorry didn't realize you had such a serious allergy; in a cafe
there is a high chance of cross contamination of whole and low fat milk due to interchanging of jugs,
thermometers, and steamer wands and mistakes can happen, in future you should let the employees
know before hand so they can clean all the equipment thoroughly before making your coffee" That
shut her her up and she left but came back to pour herself a jug of milk. The guy behind her decided
to rip the piss, he followed her to a table, and at the top of his voice offered to call her an ambulance
because there was whole milk in the jug. Her daughter was like "what the hell are you talking about?"
and the man said "well your mother told us she had a deadly allergy to whole milk!" Customer E went
scarlet it was just priceless