I waited on a woman by herself today, who immediately rubbed me the wrong way. And I don't mean in the way that every customer rubs me the wrong way, either. I dislike dealing with the general public, but I really dislike being talked to like I'm a piece of dirt by some snotty woman with a Delta Burke hairdo and extra-thick eyeliner.
But I was polite, and got her the medium well ribeye she ordered. She wanted extra butter for her potato, she needed more tea every five minutes even though her glass was ¾ full, etc. Every time I passed her table it was some bullshit request, but she at least assured me that her meal was good. So I wasn't expecting a tip, but I wasn't expecting any drama either.
When she had finished every last bite except for a stem of broccoli, she pushed her plate to the side. I approached and opened my mouth to ask her about dessert, but she had other plans.
“How much is that ribeye?” she demanded.
“Uhh.” I blinked, not used to getting that question after the entire thing is gone. “It's $16.99, ma'am.”
“HUH!” She snorted. “Well! I'm not paying for it! That wasn't even a ribeye!”
Oh, Jesus H. Christ on a goddamn pineapple, I thought. “We only have ribeyes and sirloins here, ma'am, and I can assure you that was in fact a ribeye.” I thought I was quite polite.
“No, it wasn't! It didn't have a bone in it, ribeyes have bones in them!”
“Some do,” I agreed, “but some don't.” I didn't bother explaining the difference between a ribeye and a Delmonico to this particular steak expert.
“Whatever! That was the worst steak I've ever had, and I'm not paying for it! I don't expect to have a bill!” She glared at me through her smudged eyeliner and mascara.
“Why don't I get the manager for you,” I suggested through clenched teeth, not waiting for her response before I turned on my heel and left.
Lapdog went to deal with the charming witch, and while he did comp her steak (I assume just to shut her the fuck up), he did not comp her drink, salad, or the extra toppings she put on her steak, potato, and vegetables. So the bitch did get a bill. I just hope I don't get her the next time she comes back – because the whiners who get something free always come back – and claims her chicken breast was actually a wing.