Thursday, March 1, 2012


People get offended over the dumbest shit. I had a lady ordering two remote controls, for two different types of receivers, and she asked why we couldn't put them in the same box instead of charging her two shipping fees. It's a good question, a logical question. And I had a logical answer: The remote boxes only hold one remote, and the next size up is a huge box for a receiver. But I figured she'd just get snotty with me about that and ask why we couldn't just personally get her a slightly bigger box, so I gave her the second reason. The fact is, we're a huge fucking company. So we have call centers and warehouses and installation offices all over the fucking place. So what I told her was that they're two different types of remotes, so depending on where things are in stock, they might be coming from different warehouses and there was no way for me to check that.

"Oh, please! Don't insult my intelligence! 'They might come from different warehouses,'" she mocked me. "Please. Like that happens. I've never been so insulted, just send me the remotes in one box. Do you think I'm stupid? I don't have to stay with you, you know. I can just snap my fingers and go to your competitor!"
You're lucky I can't snap my fingers and show up to cunt-punch you, you dumb bitch. I thought. But I put her on hold for a moment and asked Frat Boy if I could waive one of the fees. She lost some of her attitude after that.

Then there was an older woman who was setting up to lease a very expensive piece of equipment from us. We got her set up, and then I had to run through all the standard disclaimers, one of which is that if you don't pay your bill and we shut you off, and you don't send the equipment back, we'll bill you for this.
"Ma'am! That is a insult to me! I pay my bills. I have never paid a bill late in my life! You can't talk to me like that! What makes you think you can say that to me!"
Luckily she seemed mollified when I told her it's just a form I have to read to everyone.

I just wonder how these people function in the world if they get offended that easily.


SkippyMom said...

The second woman just makes you want to say "There ARE other people on this earth - and by extension, customers of ours - who do exist, besides YOU."

I don't know what annoys me more - those that are too self absorbed or those too stupid to realize it isn't ALL about THEM.

I am loving your new job, I must say. :D

Guy said...

I'm finding this stuff to be just as funny/good as the waitressing stuff.

Keep it up!

Aunty Pol said...

Oh girl, I needed the laugh. It's much akin to the following:

Ring ring:
Me: Good Morning or afternoon, Insert law Firm name here, how may I direct your call today ? < Pleasent tone and demeanor.>

Caller/Client : I just got a call from this number.

Me: Yes Sir or Ma'm. This is Firm name, how may I help you ? < Still pleasent .>

Caller: YOU called me.

Me: Sir or M'am, this is the central number for Dewey , Cheatham and Howe ( couldn't resist) . Did the caller leave you a name, extension, message or any sort of reference ? < Sensing the downward spiral>

Caller : This is attorneys ? Why'd you call me ? < With some clients, this is where the non US citizen accent becomes more pronounced , not to mention an increase in their volume.>

Me. Sir or M'am, there are over 100 attorneys in this office plus another 200 support staff alone. If the caller did not leave you a name or a number, I don't have any way to accurately help you.< Spidy Sense begins to tingle >

Insert Indignant a hat attitude on the part of the caller ..Backround radio, child, television volume for some reason has increased on the callers end.

Caller:..But but but called me.

Me : Sir or M'am, It could have easily been a wrong number.

Caller : SO YOU CAN'T HELP ME ???

Me: Not without actual information...Thank you for calling insert firm name here...Good day.


And if by some chance they do call back, I have a habit of recognizing numbers..I AM the supervisor they get..

Some people should be denied any phone access period until they learn civility..and do not get me started on the co-workers I have who don't leave a message at all because the phone gods know who they are , and they are certain that they will get the return call with out problem or delay.

Just another reason to drink kids.

Waving from Houston

Aunty Pol

DMT said...

Well the first woman explains where keyboard warriors originated