I love talking to hillbillies. Now that I don't rely on them for my tips, that is. But now? Now they're just fucking funny. Today's gem called in saying he wasn't going to pay his contract termination fee because he told us for months he was going to cancel if we kept charging him the "wrong" amount.
See, he had signed up for automatic payments. And apparently he thought all his bills would be exactly the same, month to month. Which would be right .... except for when you order pay-per-view dirty movies one month, and add HBO one month and remove it a week later, and then order a new piece of equipment, and oh look, more dirty movies ... it tends to affect your bill! But he had canceled his service 15 months early because we were charging him "wrong" every month. And now he was refusing to pay his contract termination fee because he "told us" what would happen if we kept charging him "wrong."
I asked Frat Boy what to do; he told me to tell the guy they were valid charges and then send him to the contract dispute department if he wouldn't give it up. So I did; I told him we had charged him what his monthly bill was every month and that wasn't a valid legal reason to terminate the contract without penalty.
"Well, you can't hold me to a contract! I'm illiterate!"
Whatever, Cleetus. *transfer*