Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Definitions, part two.

noun \ˌi-nə-ˈten(t)-shən\: failure to carefully think about, listen to, or watch someone or something : lack of attention

Not included in this definition: "server who was set up to look inattentive."

I recognized these bitches when they sat down, but I wasn't sure why. One was a white-trash looking blonde with smeared eye makeup, and then other was a pretty black women with get hair up in a painfully tight looking bun. Getting their drink order required four trips to the bar to confer with the bartender over cheapest options, pitcher vs. glass, etc. They seemed irritated by me trying to get get them the best deal, even though they asked what was cheaper. I don't know what was up with that.

It was shortly before the switch to dinner crew, and we got hit hard. I had seven small tables and an eight top, and during the rush to get them all greeted and get their orders in, I did forget one thing - white trash chick wanted a straw for her beer. I noticed she had one and I immediately apologized and said, "I was going crazy for a minute there, I'm sorry I forgot that!"* She just said it was okay ... but from that point on, they pulled a total passive-aggressive bitch move.

*Important later.

I checked their beer levels and made eye contact with both of them before I started taking an order at the table next to them. I had just begun speaking to my new table when bun chick reached out and grabbed the arm of a passing server; when I chased her down, I was told the woman's glass was dirty. I took her a fresh beer and asked if they wanted to order appetizers or anything; White Trash was picking at her bowl of soup and Bun was playing on her phone. Without making eye contact, they both said no.

I started taking an order at my eight top - and again saw them flag down another server out of the corner of my eye! When I chased him down, I found they'd ordered appetizers.

It went on and on like that for the next hour. No matter how close an eye I kept on them, how many times I checked on them, they would wait until my back was turned and then grab the nearest other server - or go to the bar and bug the bartender! I was getting really fucking fed up with it .. and then Harley rushed in to the kitchen yelling, "Who has table 70? Why do they want to talk to me?"

I tried to explain to her what they'd been doing, but when Harley gets in a rush she'll just take off in the middle of your sentence. So she goes and talks to these bitches, who tell her I was inattentive and rude and that I told them I was crazy. When she finally listened to me, Harley seemed to believe they were just trying to get something free - but demanded "why would you tell your tables you're crazy?!" and was all upset with me about that. She also reduced their $24 bill - already a fucking steal - to seven goddamn dollars and made me go deliver it.

She told me to apologize to them, and that I could absolutely not do with sincerity. So I told them "I'm sorry you weren't happy today" and that I'd be their cashier, and I took their last plates to the kitchen. I had no even finished dropping off those plates at dish with Mr. Rumple Minze came in to the kitchen .... with their ticket. So I took it, cashed them out, took their gift card back to them, and went to get a drink refill ... and before I'd even finished pouring that Pepsi, they had asked Wife for something. It was fucking ridiculous.

Naturally, they left me a two cent tip, but they can go fuck themselves. I wrote down a description of them and stuck it in my book, and if I ever see them again I'll refuse to wait on them.

Here's the real kicker, though, and this relates back to my last "definitions" entry: Both these tables bitched to the manager and had already gotten something free for it. A week later, I discovered that they really went the extra mile to get more free shit, or to just plain fuck me: they both did their corporate surveys and wrote paragraphs about how awful I was. So guess who got a fucking writeup and a lecture from Lapdog? Yeah.

I just don't understand these people. Who do they lie? Do they really not think they're hurting anyone, do they not realize they could be jeopardizing my job? If I had fucked up, then sure - rake me across the coals. In fact, the day I was so "inattentive" to those two bitches, there was another table that I truly was inattentive to - they were tucked in a corner and my eight top was being demanding, and I just plain fucked up and forgot about them a couple of times. If they had complained, I would not protest it in the least.

But these other people, who just want something free? They can go die in a hole.


Unknown said...

There was this one time, I had this lady ask for liver and onions with extra onions. When I brought it out I asked her if there were enough onions for her and she nicely replied "oh yes, that looks great." Halfway through her meal I check on her and she's doing fine. When I cleared her plate and bring her her bill she looks at the bill, then looks at me and says "I didn't see any onions on that plate." I repeat to her what she told at the beginning when I asked if that was enough onions and she scoffed and stomped to the till. She then threw the bill at the poor cashier who even took the charge for extra onions off for her!

Anonymous said...

The only thing to do at their point is admire their hat...

You: "That's a lovely hat you're wearing."

Them: "Wha-? I'm not wearing a hat."

You: "Oh! I thought that you were wearing your ass as a hat... my mistake."