Thank you for sitting at the bar while waiting for a table. Thank you for ordering your food there, and the moving to one of my tables. Thank you for being rude and impatient when I introduced myself, and for talking to me like I was an insect beneath your notice. Thank you for telling me "I haven't gotten to try it yet!" when I asked how your food was when I returned with your ranch. Because clearly, your burger was inedible without ranch on it, which is why you didn't ask for it right away.
Thank you for swallowing your burgers whole and going back to the bar to demand your ticket, despite having ordered a second round of drinks which you then refused to take or pay for, and then stiffing me because clearly twenty minutes is too long to wait in a crowded, wait-listed restaurant on a Friday night.
And thank you, above all, for fucking right off.
I was in a good enough mood tonight that I didn't let it bother me; I just sort of wondered how people like that justify their behavior.