My whole work week was just full of people who were begging for a slap. Seriously, do people not know how to speak politely to others anymore? Oh wait, that's a stupid question. Bastard coated bastards with bastard filling and all.
First up, Sarcastic Witch. The matriarch of a family of five, she looked like a stuck-up snob right away. Her style was very early-90s soccer mom--slacks, turtleneck, small fake gold earrings, thoroughly average dyed hair color. They had five people jammed in to a four person booth because they didn't want to wait or sit at a regular table, so they were all grumpy and uncomfortable anyway. Besides Sarcastic Witch, there was her husband, two sons, and a daughter. When I greeted them, nobody but SW spoke--and she only made a "mmm" noise at me. She then proceeded to order everybody's drinks for them--which usually means five waters would've been in order, but I guess I lucked out this time.
"I'll have iced tea, he'll have pepsi, he'll have tea, and they're going to have a chocolate shake." She said the last while indicating her two youngest kids. That's exactly how she said it: a chocolate shake. So I politely clarified--"Would you like just one, or one each?"
SW snorts. "Yeah, just one. We just want one. Bring two straws, I'm going to make them share. Of course we want two!"
Well, maybe you should learn to say what you mean then, huh bitch?
Next up: Stupid Sarcastic Bitch. Another matriarch of another family, six this time, but at least in an appropriately-sized booth. Seemed nice and normal enough, if a little too wrapped up in their own conversations to focus on ordering. They placed their entire order at one time, six entrees and an appetizer; naturally, I made sure the appetizer goes out first. I was pouring drinks when it came up, and Bitter Divorced Manager ran it. He came back sort of smirking. Apparently, he'd set the appetizer in the center, politely set a side plate in front of everyone at the table, and then asked if they'd like anything else right now.
Stupid Sarcastic Bitch raises her eyebrow at him, cocks her head to the side, and says, "Um, the rest of the meal?" while slowly waving her hands back and forth to indicate everyone else at the table. I guess the appetizer was only for her?