Thursday, December 9, 2010

First three tables.

Two women sharing a meal. First words out of their mouths: "do we get a free birthday meal?" One of them has a lazy eye which is giving me the creeps.

Parents and their five kids, all of whom are whining.

Three old folk who got offended when I offered them beer.



Anonymous said...

Okay, Purplegirl....I've never "followed" a blog before, plus I'm old-ish (by that I mean 35) so I couldn't figure out how to send you a private message to tell you that your blog has been SO very entertaining for me, so I'm leaving this comment, hoping you'll see it eventually, and forgive the fact that it is probably not posted where it bad.

I am a "career waitress" (15 years and counting for god knows how many more) and discovered your blog recently, and kept reading until I caught up with the entire thing. I had to take some breaks to, like, uh, go to work and stuff....but I spent 3 whole nights reading...and laughing! Correct, I have no life....aside from Christmas, and getting married in a month(!!!<--insert PANiC here) so yeah, I totally don't have time to read some random blog for 3 nights straight and have never done so in the history of my life....but I did in your case, because I couldn't stop HOWLING, sharing your stories with my fiance (also a waiter) or sympathizing, or reflecting on my own experiences - you tell a damn good story, girl! I also love that you love cats, hate stupid people, and that you are a fan of the words 'Asshat' and 'Douchehound', and the way you describe certain snotty customers as looking like they always smell something disgusting! I also give you the proverbial high-five for citing Joy Nash's "Staircase Wit"....I have been using her line "you might want to shut your mouth - everyone's gonna know what an asshole you are" for YEARS... especially at work, and ESPECIALLY in the kitchen!

Anyways....I'm now a fan of yours - but, not in a creepy stalker kind of way. :) Please keep on doing what you're doing! It's great emotional therapy for those of us that don't have health benefits! And good luck! I look forward to reading more, and if you're still doing the "guest post" thing I'd be MORE than happy to submit a story! I have plenty, and if I do say so myself I kan rites reel good yup, yuk yuk!

May your tips be plentiful, and your Asshats few....

Sincerely yours, with hot water, lemon and honey, and two dozen napkins, and a great big "can I use your phone? Better yet, can you call the movie theater for me and see what time 'I am a Useless Fucktard' is playing?? NO, I don't know the number...GAH! Also I need a takeout box...and I have a's expired, but I can still use it, right?":

Christina <3

purplegirl said...

Hi Christina! Thank you so much -- I'm so glad you enjoy my little blog. :) I've stayed up all night reading other blogs, so I take it as high praise you'd do that for me! I cheerful accept fans, creepy stalker or otherwise. :)

I emailed you about guest posting - from what you wrote here, I think your stories would fit right in here with mine. :)

Writer Revisor said...

I feel ya. It always sucks when the first couple of tables blow. It's hard to get the groove back after that.

fuckmytable said...

I hate the people who get offended when you offer alcohol. I told one table, "Look, just because you don't drink it doesn't mean other people don't. You don't HAVE to get one, but I am required to offer you one or I could be fired. Water? Good. I'll be right back."

They didn't say another damn word to me about it, and actually tipped me okay, too. Shocker, I know.

Anyway, I stopped in to tell you that you're sending a significant amount of traffic my way, so...thanks!! :)