Sunday, January 30, 2011

A good night, and yet ....

Tonight was a good night for me. Not so much for the rest of my coworkers. Our kitchen went down in fucking flames during the dinner rush! Oh, it was a fucking mess. 30 minute ticket times on stupid shit. Rehab held it together fairly well -- although I am getting damn tired of her screeching, "Hot food! PurpleGirl! Accent Girl! Wannabe! .... fine if you don't want to fucking listen I'll just tell Lapdog!" Bitch, when I'm putting together three desserts you have no right to be fucking yelling at me! Yeah, yeah, hot food is important, it's a "priority". But so is every other fucking thing according to corporate. 15 minute dessert times are no more acceptable than 30 minute dinner times!


Lapdog actually was in a really good mood tonight -- he actually patted me on the arm and smiled at me several times, so apparently he's forgiven me for boiling living kittens my 'gratuity' mishap the other day. And he actually maintained his mood all night. Oh yeah, the wife's putting out again, for sure.

Still, I was lucky with my tables. None of them were freaking about the wait, none of their food went out wrong, basically it was smooth sailing the entire time. I had only one problem: campers.

My first table of the night was a couple who had clearly sat themselves. I like to make people like that feel like assholes, so I always approach in a super friendly way and simper something like, "Oh, I'm so sorry the host didn't give you menus! He's supposed to do that! I'm so sorry!" Sometimes I can hardly keep a straight face.

These people informed me with a laugh that they'd moved from the bar. That right there told me they'd be a problem. People sit at the bar for a reason: to drink. Or maybe they're by themselves, or they know the bartender, or whatever. But generally speaking, it's because they're drinking and not eating.

Well, at 4:45 these two ordered two double Stolichnaya drinks, which was great. Over the next four fucking hours, they had three more drinks and one appetizer. They sat down before the dinner rush, and left after it. And they left me a 10% fucking tip. Clueless motherfuckers! We were on a wait for three and a half hours while they sat there flirting, nursing their drinks, and ignoring the lobby full of hungry people, the screams coming from the kitchen, the harried and sweaty staff running around them. And the woman kept calling me sweetie. When I picked up their book, I wanted to follow them out and rip sweetie's fucking face off!

I left with $70, which isn't bad for four hours of work (and no sidework!). But if I'd been able to turn that table, I could've easily added another $40 to my total. Thanks a lot, sweetie.


SkippyMom said...

Campers are the worst - especially ones that tip poorly - but if they are stupid to figure out they are taking up valuable real estate how good do you think their maths skills are.

How did you get out of sidework lucky!

Ester Jean said...

Holy crap, I just linked to your blog from Bitchy Waiter's but will feel like my time is much better invested commenting on yours. For now, it's 12:18 a.m. and my mind is blown with some PTSD-esque flashbacks of the short waitressing stint I had. Unfortunately, I am sorta fucking embarassed to say, I probably wasd a shit-head like Wannabe because waiting tables and me went together like swingsets and nervous breakdowns.

Eh? Eh?

Naw, but really - USELESS <-- me trying to wait tables.

Anyhooters, while I was a rad tipper before I was a server, after I really knew (because of course I can 'really know' based on a few months' experience) how much crap you have to deal with, I am exponentially better about big fat tips, which may or may not devastate my husband. Is it true that people who brag about tipping aren't really good tippers?


I really wish I knew where you were writing from cause it sounds like my ol' hometown!

Uhhhh. yeah, like I was saying, I'll be back when it's not the middle of the night. In the meantime, you're a new hero of mine.

purplegirl said...

SkippyMom, I had to set up for bingo -- no time for sidework! :)

Ester Jean ... "swingsets and nervous breakdowns"? HAHAHAHA! I love it! I'm glad you're enjoying the blog. :)

And people who brag about being big tippers usually are awful tippers! :) Whenever someone makes a ridiculous request and follows it up with "don't worry, we'll give you a big tip!" I know to expect 10%!

yellowcat said...

You gotta love those nights when the kitchen goes down in flames.