Right after I got to work today, somebody brought a salad back to the kitchen in a panic. There was a huge live spider in it! Fucking disgusting. Of course, it happens sometimes with produce; although this is only the second time in my ten years serving I've seen it.
Lapdog took took the salad and and looked at it for a long time. I thought he was going to go absolutely nuclear about it. Instead, he looked across the line at one of the cooks and said seriously, “Paul, I think you need to go to the doctor and get checked out.” Long pause. “This looks kinda crab-like.”