Thanks for all your comments, guys. You made me smile and laugh, which I really haven't been doing much of lately.
Also, someone asked why customers calling back can get us fired. We have four statistics we're graded on: call handle time, customer survey scores, quality assurance department scores, and repeat calls. If our statistics are consistently below goal for any of those, we get talked to, have someone sit with us and lsiten to calls to figure out where the problem is, given help, and if we still can't manage to improve .... "up to and including termination."
The first three are fairly simple; even the survey scores don't worry me much, because the company actually isn't trying to fuck us over on them like restaurants tend to do. It's actually a very fair, simple scoring system. The repeat calls, though, bug me. The company's theory is that if I do my job, if I'm confident-sounding, offer them "self-service" solutions like using the website, offer them an upsell (in case they were thinking about it and forgot, I guess), and resolve the issue they've called about, then my customers won't need to call back within a certain number of days. They do allow for a margin of error on this, I think it's 20% or something like that, but if I consistently have half of my customers calling back, and can't fix it, then I could get fired. Of the four statistics, that's the one that they put the least pressure on us about, but it bugs me because I also feel like it's the one we have the least control over.
Time for a co-worker rant!
The Russian drives me crazy. Sometimes I end up sitting next to her even though I don't want to, just because there's not another desk available. But the way she talks just drives me crazy! She always tells customers "I'd be more than welcome to look in to that for you!" and she always says "go ahead" as "goh-head" -- and she says it a lot. But what was driving me bonkers today was when she'd ask customers if she could call them by their first name.
When I ask (which isn't often because I hate doing it), I say, "And may I call you Diane?" The Russian always asks "and is it alright if I goh-head n call you by your first name Diane?" But the thing is, her inflection is fucked up, and it sounds like Diane is in quotation marks. "Is it alright if goh-head n call you by first name 'Diane'?" It sounds like she means to say "by you first name which is Diane", like the customer needs to be told what her name is. It just grates on my nerves horribly.
Not to mention, she's been there at least three months longer than me, and she sucks at her job. She asks dumb questions, she can't explain bills, she doesn't know how to handle tech calls. Today she told someone we don't have 24 hour customer service .... which is true for our particular call center, but 18 out of 20 call centers are 24/7. And she's fucking loud! Not on her calls, but when she's in between she'll stand up and yell stuff to Frat Boy, or be talking to someone on the other side of me, so loudly I can't hear my customers. And when I ask her to be quieter she just looks at me.
I'd be more than welcome to help her put a sock in it.