Alright, I'm actually going to address those in reverse order, which my journalistic sense tells me is terrible but it just didn't flow right the other way!
I haven't been completely outed, although a comment I got a couple of posts down .... hello, fellow a-ha fan! I can't begin to guess who you are, because, you know, anonymous! But I'm very curious, I want to know who's found me out. So please appease my curiosity! Email me at slightlycranky at hotmail.com, or send me a private message on Facebook (because I'm assuming you know who I am from my tattoo pictures etc!).
Retention training is both better and worse than I expected. The actual training is boring as hell - and this bitchy chick announced to a group of people that it's obvious I want one of the guys in the training class (hey, K2 is adorable, what can I say), so that's super fun. The calls haven't been too bad. Disconnecting accounts isn't nearly as bothersome as I thought.
The part when I have to try to talk people out of cancelling, well, honestly I suck at it as much as I thought I would. When people are just searching for something free or a bargain, I am all over that. But the people calling in to say "I'm switching to your competitor because they're cheaper!" ... well, honestly it kind of flusters me. Because the truth is, when it comes to at least the other major competitors we have, our regular rates are absolutely cheaper. We charge the least for premium channels like HBO, we charge the least for channel packages, and we charge the same or less for extra receivers and stuff.
The thing is that people don't believe me. They assume I'm lying, because it's my job to try to keep them with the company. And I absolutely fucking hate it when people assume I'm a liar. I'm not a good liar at all. That's why I'm always getting told to "show more empathy" -- because I cannot say things to customers like "I'm so sorry you had this problem" when it's not actually a problem at all and they're just being dickshoes. But people assume I'm lying, and they get snotty with me. "They're going to give me all that free!" My aching fucking ass they are. "They're going to give me that price for two years!" No they're not. But whatever. I don't get a bonus or a penalty based on my save rate -- at least, not yet. I'm sure it's coming.
I've only had limited contact with my new boss so far, when I went in to work some overtime on Saturday. He's younger than me, which doesn't bother me too much. I had a 19 year old boss once, so at least it's not that bad this time. He seems cool. Not Frat Boy-cool, but hopefully I won't absolutely hate being on his team.
But here's the really good news, and why I can put up with the assholes thinking I'm a liar, etc: I got a 20% raise. More than I was expecting, and apparently more than most of the other people got. What can I say, I'm just that awesome.