Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Chicken Little is still a bitch, and personal crap.

I went to talk to her about the possibility of getting my job back - yes, I know, insanity. But it would've nice to just pick up something familiar. Anyway, I'm not going to relay the entire conversation, but what she told me was that I'd never work there again as long as she was there. She also admitted she quit scheduling me until I quit. I'm not surprised she's still a bitch. I am surprised she was honest, though. I'm also pondering emailing a photo of her to corporate - the photo shows her out at a bar with employees.

I've had no luck yet finding a new job, possibly because I got exceedingly depressed and didn't apply for any for a week. Oops. And the "interview" I wrote about in my last post was the only one I got. Finally applied for twelve yesterday and eight so far today. I love corporations that own multiple restaurants and whose websites are smart enough to allow you to apply for multiple jobs at once. I'm less fond of ones that don't even freaking do online applications (I'm looking at you, Brinker).

Time for the personal, because my friends are probably tired of hearing it and I can't afford therapy. It's a bunch of whining, I just need to get it out.

Been having a hard time lately though. I was sort of doing okay until the entire world went and got into relationships. One of my best friends got engaged, and another one is in love, and another one moved in her with boyfriend, and another one has met some guys she likes ... and the guy I'm in love with hasn't spoken to me in more than a month. Before all that, I missed him, and I was sad, but I was holding on. I was sort of moving on. I'd had a couple of sexual encounters, at least (threesomes with married couples are fun). I felt like I was making progress. Then everyone around me got all googly-eyed and I realized I was insanely jealous, because the people they love? Love them back. Mine doesn't. He doesn't even care enough to answer a text.

And I can just about hear all my readers saying things along the lines of he doesn't deserve me, I'm awesome and he should have realized it, it's not my fault, I'll find someone else, etc. etc. Thank you. I know. But it doesn't change the fact that this is only the second time I've been in love ... and I fucking hope it's the last, because fucking hell. This is awful. I dream about him almost every night. I'm reminded of him constantly by silly things. Going to the town I used to live in, or the town my old restaurant is in, sends my blood pressure through the roof because he lives halfway between them. I hadn't really thought about it before because I was never over there, I was always at work fifty miles south or at home -- but if I were to run in to him I think I'd totally freak. 

I know that this is all normal, that everybody goes through this sometimes. I don't think it's unique at all. It's just unique to me, because the slow and painful degrading of my first relationship was utterly different. I've never quite gone through this before, and I hate it, and I hate the fact that I can't seem to get over him.


Rebecca said...

Moving on does suck but you have to remember that you deserve what your friends have; someone that loves you just as much as you love them. I'm married and I like threesomes too but I live too far away to date you. But I love you in a non-intimate way. :)
Finding new jobs SUUUUUCKS. But at least it's a good way to meet new people!

Aunty Pol said...

Aunty Pol here...Baby girl you are in grief mode. Yes it completely suxs on an epic scale, I felt the same after a divorce. I am not going to give you the rainbows and sparkles bolowing out your ass buck up girlie will get through it..just know that this insane bitch believes in you .


SkippyMom said...

"I'm also pondering emailing a photo of her to corporate - the photo shows her out at a bar with employees."

How old are you again? :wink: Let it go PG - she isn't worth it, really and with everything else this would surely backfire and cause you even more grief.

If you want love in your life I can assure you it will come again. It just takes time for the pain of one relationship to fade before you can feel the possibilities of the next stage in your life.

You'll be fine. You're made of some pretty strong stuff girlie.

purplegirl said...

LOL Rebecca, thanks for making me giggle. :)

AP, thanks - you're my favorite insane bitch. ;)

Skippy, it just so happens that I'm 30 - which is why when that picture was posted on Facebook eight months ago I didn't immediately send it off! :) I'm not going to do it even though it's tempting. :)

DMT said...

Too bad you didn't keep a proper diary of all the shit she did constructive dismissal is against the law