HotPants is kind of an asshole.

But at least tonight he was being a hilarious asshole. He wrote up a sheet of goals for us – some silly, like guess his cologne, and some serious, like sell five top-shelf margaritas. I won two prizes, so I acquired new pens and a glow-stick necklace. Other people got containers of slime or keychains. I think he just went to the dollar store and bought a bag of crap.

One of those items of crap was an airhorn. He honked it once just to test it, and when he saw how much it startled people, he started acting like a five year-old. He started honking it when he saw the cooks do something wrong; he threatened to do it the next time he saw someone pour water (don't know if he ever did), and at one point he jumped around the corner in the kitchen and blasted a bunch of people standing there talking.

After that, people started watching him carefully and covering their ears when he came up behind them. So he quit it for a while … before deciding to get creative. I happened to be standing there the first time he tried this out. “Chrissy, I need to talk to you outside.” he told the bartender with a very serious expression. He wouldn't tell her what about, just said he had to show her something. I followed because I'm nosy that way.

So they walked out the side door, and as soon as Chrissy was outside, HotPants spun around and freaking blasted the airhorn in her face! I thought she was going to punch him for a second, but she finally started laughing. She didn't even warn anyone else, so he got a few more people that way too.

Then he started another tactic. Knowing I'd already seen the trick, he tried to get me to go outside.

“No, I don't think so.”
“Come on, I have to tell you something.” he started walking away, then turned around to see if I was following him. I wasn't.
“I'll go with you if you give me the airhorn.”
His face twitched, his hand going to his pocket. “I don't have it.”
“I don't believe you.”
“Come on, I really need you to come outside.” he started to walk away again.
“Okay, if you keep your hands up in the air the whole time.”
He obligingly put his hands up and started heading out. Wondering what the joke was this time, I followed. Just as he pushed the door open I stopped.
“Wait a minute. Who's hiding around the corner with the horn?”
”Dammit!”

Ha! Try to fool me, will ya!