Friday, May 8, 2009

Things I wouldn't do.

I wouldn't pop out two kids in close succession, to start with. And if I did, and they were ill-behaved little miscreants, I wouldn't take them out in public with a friend with her own two brats. And I wouldn't insist on having a booth, which requires having two high chairs taking up most of the aisle at the end of the table.

But, if I did, I wouldn't stay for dinner if one of the rugrats vomited all over the table the instant we sat down. If I did stay, I wouldn't be a complete pain the ass the entire time and run my server all over the place. And if my waitress was polite and smiling, on top of refills and everything else I could want, I sure as hell wouldn't leave two crumpled dollar bills on the vomit-scented, paper scrap covered, sticky table with smears and crumbs all over the seats and floor.

It's okay, I won't always be a waitress. They'll probably always be trashy bitches.

20 comments:

Steven Nicolle said...

Makes me wonder if you work in a restaurant or day care. Ha

purplegirl said...

That's how I felt last night; I had a ridiculous number of children in my station.

Big Ballz said...

You WILL always be a waitress and nothing more.
p.s. Good luck at school, you should be done in about 10 more years, right?

purplegirl said...

Wow, you really put me in my place. What wit.

Oh wait, nevermind. Go crawl up your own judgemental ass hole and die.

Anonymous said...

fat nutritionist hehehehe

purplegirl said...

Idiot who doesn't use correct grammar or punctuation. Heheeheeheeeheee.

Purple Skank said...

Fat nutritionist. Hehehe!

Anonymous said...

An idiot is someone who is STILL in school and STILL waitressing at your age. An idiot is someone who has to take SUMMER classes so they don't get kicked out of school! An idiot is someone who applies for financial aid knowing she was not eligible. Face it sweetheart...you have wasted half your life away...literally, because with your weight you are not going to live into old age. Oh wait, you are part of the fat acceptance bs movement. You don't understand that you are fat because you are a pig with no willpower. You know better than your professors. IDIOT!!!! I have seen you eat at work, you are a disgusting slob.
p.s. you need a haircut!

purplegirl said...

You know what's more pathetic than someone who's taken time off from school, and, yes, struggled with some classes? Someone who trolls another person's blog simply to berate them. Oh, and tells lies--if you're going to claim to have "seen" someone eat at work, you might want to pick someone in the same state as you. Statistics counting and ISP tracking programs are wonderful things.

If you're looking for someone to upset, you can move on now. I'm not weak-minded enough to be thrown into angst by some random douchehound. Thanks for playing.

Masquerade said...

Alternatively, fuck off and die :P

I had a kid in my section a few days ago that was a total terror, screamed constantly, drew on the wall with crayons, threw sugar packets across the table, and dumped his milk on the floor. His mom and grandmother naturally found this behavior perfectly acceptable. I went about tight-lipped for a bit but I firmly believe in restaurant Karma - you will ALWAYS have an amazing table at the same time or shortly after a horrible one.

Fortunately I personally didn't have a lot of bad tables today, and a few were very sweet. I got tipped $8 on a $26 right after a $1 on a $40. The old lady that gave me that one had commented to a coworker that she wished she could have given me more but her bratty family had taken all my money :P

Reading Ribeye's blog has really made me want to go to work though. I think seeing all the crap he has to deal with and the fact that he can DO something about it kind of takes my aggression out by proxy. You probably already read his but if not he's linked on my blog.

P.S. - fat waitresses are sexy. I know because I am one and I'm impossibly attractive. ;)

Masquerade said...

P.P.S. - It's not STILL waitressing. It's STILL putting up with shit from assholes like that shit-snorting gonnosyphiherpe licker that is too afraid to put his own name.

That is all.

<3

purplegirl said...

Masquerade? I heart you. :)

Masquerade's Snatch said...

F.O.A.D.

purplegirl said...

M, what a thing for your snatch to say!

Oh wait, that's our friendly neighbor troll again. Color me surprised.

Anonymous said...

I don't know what's more disgusting...the image of kids in general or a fat ass like you actually getting laid, getting knocked up, and pushing out a kid. Oh God, I threw up in my mouth.
Oh well, at least we can rest assured that you won't populate the world with your warped DNA. I bet no one would want to touch you. Although most fat asses are easy lays which is why some men go for them. They can keep their eyes closed.

purplegirl said...

You can keep spewing your inane bullshit as long as you'd like; as I said before, I'm not weak-minded enough to be upset by a waste of flesh like you. But by all means, continue to demonstrate how pathetic you are if you wish.

Anonymous said...

LMFAO. "A waste of flesh" huh? 4 other humans could be created by all the extra flesh you are carrying, you fat fuck. By all means, continue to demonstrate how desperate for human interaction you are by responding to everything I say ;)

purplegirl said...

I'm not desperate for anything; I just know if I don't respond you'll congratulate yourself for shutting up the fatty, and I wouldn't want to give you a false sense of pride. I can continue to deride you for as long as it takes for you to get bored and fuck off.

Also, learn some math--an adult does not weigh 65 pounds, therefore you could not get four people out of my fat. You could possibly accommodate one extra person with my body mass. If you're going to be insulting, as least be accurate.

I expect your next comment to be along the lines of I must be a lesbian because no man would stick his dick in me; that's about the only avenue you haven't tried yet.

Anonymous said...

Even lesbians have standards.
That is sad though, that no man would stick his dick in you. Thanks for sharing.

Smiles said...

lol Purple girl, I'm new to your blog but i love it. And this person probably gets shit on by others in person so he/she has to take her frustration out on other people. They're the one nobody would want to be with because once they open their mouth it's all nonsense coming out.

PS, I've been waitressing for 3 Years now while going to college, and serving people with babies makes me want to tie my tubes!