Sunday, July 5, 2009

Things that piss me off, Happy Hour version.

-Don't get offended when I offer you the Saturday night margarita special. It's not like you have "I DON'T DRINK THE DEVIL'S JUICE" stamped on your forehead. Just say no once. There's no need to shout. "No thank you, I'd like an iced tea" is sufficient. "No! NO NO NO! I don't DRINK!" is overkill.

-If it's 7:30, don't pretend to look at your watch and say "Oh look, it's nine!" when I say that's when happy hour starts. Immediately after that, saying "It's not 3 yet, is it?" to try to charm me into giving you the lunch special? Not going to work.

-If you order a Fat Tire pint, and your ticket says "Fat Tire pt", don't point at it and say "Is that the right price?!" Yes, it's the right fucking price. New Belgium beers aren't cheap. Deal with it.

-We have white zinfandel, but we do not have white zin-fan-DALE.

-Don't assume that your fancy fru-fru fruity martini is on happy hour. Ask. If you assume it's on happy hour and then give me doe eyes about it when I drop your ticket, I'm going to have zero sympathy for you.

-Don't say you want your margarita with less ice next time--you ain't getting any more tequila.

-Those fleshy things on the side of your head are ears. They're what allow you to figure out the correct response to my mouth moving and my vocal chords vibrating to form the sonic vibrations that sound like "would you like your margarita regular or large?" Hint: "on the rocks" is not the right answer.

-Sorry, 16 year old kids. The happy hour flyer says right on it in plain print that you have to order a beverage to get the appetizer discount. Water does not count. One Pepsi does not get you five cheap appetizers. Pony up for the sodas, or get the fuck out. On second thought, just get the fuck out.

-No, I can't give you the happy hour price because happy hour starts in 15 minutes. Not if you want your beer now. It doesn't work that way. Keep pushing it, and I won't even ring it at the five minute mark when the computer prices switch over.

-When I offer you a happy hour beverage, don't tell me, "Oh, I'll take a big happy hour WATER!" It's not funny. Really. You're not the special hilarious snowflake you think you are. Say it again and you just might get a big happy hour foot up your ass.


Masquerade said...

Fuck your life :P

G.H. said...

I love when people order a margarita and complain. Its a margarita. Your not supposed to taste the tequila. When they send it back for more liquor, I walk to the bar, count to 30, and walk back. "is this better"

"Much, thank you"

haha. retards.

G.H. said...

I just realized we haven't exchanged links yet...would you like to?


thairade said...

This made me giggle.

purplegirl said...

M, fuck my life indeed. :)

GH--here I get to show my blogosphere ignorance. How does one formally exchange links? :)

Thairade--Glad somebody was amused. :) I was pretty pissed last night. :) And I haven't even written the entry about why yet!

LW said...

It's like these people have never been out before. Happy Hour can be very annoying.