I had a table of five last night. They were a little abrupt, and one of the ladies kept giving me a weird look, but there was nothing obviously off about them. One of the guys was drinking coffee, and when their food came he asked for a refill. Tony, my coworker who delivered the food relayed the message, and I started a pot of coffee and told him it would be ready soon.
Then I took a couple of plates to a neighboring table, and was asking their little girls if they wanted anything else, and heard "Excuse me! Miss!" quite loudly from my table of five. I politely gestured it would be just a moment and continued what I was doing. Then I went to my table. The snotty woman who had summoned me asked for something (I can't even remember what now); and the guy with the coffee says, "And my coffee? Whatever happened to that."
"It should be just about done, I'll bring it out as soon as it is." I made eye contact and smiled at him, the essence of politeness.
"Oh, it takes that long, HUH?" he sneered at me.
"Sorry, we don't have an industrial coffee maker, just a regular one. Can I bring you anything else when I come back?"
As I headed to the kitchen, Tony came out with the coffee pot for the jerk, having overheard. Which of course makes me look like a liar, but whatever. The jerk got his coffee, and everything seemed fine. Then I got a $3 tip on a $45 ticket.
It made me think of a scene from "My Cousin Vinny" where he's questioning a witness about how long it takes to cook grits: "Are we to believe that boiling water soaks into a grit faster in your kitchen than in any other place on the face of the earth? Or perhaps the laws of physics cease to exist on your stove! Were they magic grits?"
Of course, coffee should brew instantly in a restaurant, right?