Saturday, August 29, 2009

I'm sorry, I forgot to alter the laws of physics for you.

I had a table of five last night. They were a little abrupt, and one of the ladies kept giving me a weird look, but there was nothing obviously off about them. One of the guys was drinking coffee, and when their food came he asked for a refill. Tony, my coworker who delivered the food relayed the message, and I started a pot of coffee and told him it would be ready soon.

Then I took a couple of plates to a neighboring table, and was asking their little girls if they wanted anything else, and heard "Excuse me! Miss!" quite loudly from my table of five. I politely gestured it would be just a moment and continued what I was doing. Then I went to my table. The snotty woman who had summoned me asked for something (I can't even remember what now); and the guy with the coffee says, "And my coffee? Whatever happened to that."

"It should be just about done, I'll bring it out as soon as it is." I made eye contact and smiled at him, the essence of politeness.
"Oh, it takes that long, HUH?" he sneered at me.
"Sorry, we don't have an industrial coffee maker, just a regular one. Can I bring you anything else when I come back?"

As I headed to the kitchen, Tony came out with the coffee pot for the jerk, having overheard. Which of course makes me look like a liar, but whatever. The jerk got his coffee, and everything seemed fine. Then I got a $3 tip on a $45 ticket.

It made me think of a scene from "My Cousin Vinny" where he's questioning a witness about how long it takes to cook grits: "Are we to believe that boiling water soaks into a grit faster in your kitchen than in any other place on the face of the earth? Or perhaps the laws of physics cease to exist on your stove! Were they magic grits?"

Of course, coffee should brew instantly in a restaurant, right?


Pademelon said...

That's really retarded. You'd think people would understand the very basic concept that if you drink coffee at a restaurant, SOMETIMES the pot will run out and more will have to be made. When I was a server, I felt like certain customers believed we had some magic bottomless coffee pot that would never run out. I didn't do it but there were a couple of servers at one restaurant I worked at that would sneak decaf to any customer that complained about a new pot needing to be made.

purplegirl said...

Oh yeah, I do that all the time. :) If there had been any decaf, he'd've gotten that. I never give regular to someone who requests decaf, in case of a health issue ... but the other way around is just a handy shortcut!

P. F. Blogger said...

For gems like that guy, I like to pour a mug with about 90% cold coffee (stuff that's been there for a while) and just top off the rest of the mug with water from the instant hot water spout and give a quick stir. People are dumb, and jerks should be treated in kind.

LW said...

Even if you did forget, he could have been nicer to you.
I don't have the problem anymore, but I remember working at a 24 hour restaurant. You are expected to have a constant supply of coffee at all times.

JumpIt said...

I love my cousin Vinny :)

No one can tell the difference between our regular coffee and decaf. If they bug me after letting them know it will be a few minutes for the regular to brew, I give them decaf. I love hearing them tell me how they can't possibly live without their caffeine.

I swear people think restaurants are never ending when it comes to supplies, food, drinks, etc. I had one lady freak out on me because we ran out of sour cream. Our manager LEFT to go get some at the local supermarket. I let her know this, and after my manager returned she threw another fit and wanted her meal comped because she had to wait for sour cream. WTH??

Steven Nicolle said...

The other server told you about the coffee and should have let you do your job without sticking their nose in any further. They think they are helping but in essence they are helping you look bad. He or she needs to be talked to. Another thing is whatever is hot and brewed they get. Especially later on when all that is made is the decaf.

chef's kitchen rant said...

Boy am I glad we don't have pots of coffee in the restaurant. We make individual serves, but saying that we do use large pots with the push button on top for our conferences, and yes they do run out, strange that, and yes we do brew it fresh for you, but you can have some old stale coffee if you wish.....WTF LOL

Sanity of a Server said...

This makes me think of this table I had on Friday night. I was closing and it was the last and only table on the restaurant so of course they wanted coffee. We had dumped out the coffee maker so only had one pot left by this time. It wasnt hot enough for this guy so i had to keep heating it using the milk steaming on the espresso machine and he had so much the pot finally ran out (an hour after we had closed mind you) so i made him coffee by making half espresso half water since i was NOT making a WHOLE other large batch just for him. worked like a charm!

purplegirl said...

It's nice to know other people pull all the coffee tricks I do. :)