Summer is here, and of course that means that fucking crotchspawn are everywhere. Or maybe it's just that parents are more likely to keep the little bastards out later, so it seems like there are more of them.
I was cleaning up my section last night, and there was a quite cute little girl there with her mom and grandma. She was probably three, chubby and big-eyed with super curly blonde hair. I was sweeping up crayons and ripped-up napkins left on the floor by a bunch of teenagers when I saw her crawl over the back of their booth and start staring at me. I waved – I didn't have to clean up after them, they weren't my table, so I wasn't irritated with their presence. The little girl giggled, then clambered down and came over to investigate the sweeper. Her mom called her and she ran back to the table laughing. I went to do something else and when I came back, the little girl saw me and came running full-tilt at me laughing. I scooped her up and tossed her into the air, figuring if her mother wasn't paying any attention she wouldn't mind me playing with her.
I sat the girl down by their table again and went back to filling sugar packets or some shit; the little girl kept climbing back and forth between the booths, roughly following me. When I got to my last table I had to clean, I was on the opposite side from before, and she climbed into that booth. The other one was empty; this one had some dishes on it.
“What's that?” she pointed at something.
“That's trash,” I said patiently.
“That's sugar.” I turned to check the ketchup bottle on my table, and when I turned back the little girl had picked up a glass and was about to drink out of it. I think I let out a little yelp as I snatched it away as gently as I could – because it was a fucking half-full pint of beer! Meanwhile, her mother and grandmother were chatting away, totally ignoring her.
But of course, if the kid had chugged down some backwashy Fat Tire, I'm sure they would have sued the restaurant.