Hilarity courtesy of megaphon!

Haha, I love it!

http://animalstalkinginallcaps.tumblr.com/post/11890665598/more-water-to-table-seven-lisa-remember-to

btw, thanks everyone for your comments. I truly do read them all even when I'm too busy, tired, or pissed the fuck off to answer!

I hate change.

There has been an ever-dwindling list of people that keeps me working at my current job. Seems like every few months, someone else leaves or is fired. Right now, the list of people keeping me there is pretty much Work Wife, Cali Girl, and Mistress J. And because one person, one very important person who made every shift I worked with him better, left, I have an absolute feeling of dread every time I go to work. I really don't know how much longer I can stand that place.

Goodbye, Pot Smoking Manager. Thank you for three-plus years of goofy sexist/racist/ageist jokes and obscure musical references. You kept me sane.

Wow, the commenters are on a roll!

Just got this comment--anonymous of course--on an entry from June:

"WHITE TRASH WHORE!!!! You're going to call out hard working Mexican's for not tipping you for shitty service? You say you hate the job well we can tell. You probably ignore us thinking opening your legs up every night makes you better. No it makes you a WHORE. They're the ones who expect money for doing very little so that's what you must be doing. Go any place where Mexican's work and I can guarantee you'll see what real work is. You couldn't last a day in a real job. You need more money then get a real job or pick up more hours. Work two shifts and blame hard workers makes you a lousy all around person."

Have fun friends, because I'm too busy laughing to form a coherent take-down of this ignorant ass. When I'm done I'm going to go open my legs up to make myself better (what?).

A comment on comments, as Bitchy Waiter would say.

On my "Well, I'm in a bad mood" I received the following comment -- anonymously, naturally:

"There is too much bad language n this blog-both by readers and the writer.

Is this how you are at work?"


Dear dipshit asswipe ignorant Anonymous,

Thanks for the laugh. Are you fucking kidding me? This is my fucking blog, bitch, and if I want to use foul fucking language every other goddamn word, then that's what I'll fucking do. Of course I'm not like that at work, I'd be out on my aching ass in an instant if I went around telling all the shitty customers what a bunch of motherfucking cocksmacking asshats they are! Jesus bloody motherfucking H. Christ, do you think I'm a fucking moron? If you're too fucking sensitive to handle my usually fairly restrained language, then piss the fuck off and read a different goddamn blog. Who the fuck asked you anyway? I'm a motherfucking adult, and if I want to talk shit, call my customers cocksuckers and cunts, then I will -- and you can kiss my fucking tits and piss off.

And if you actually took all this seriously, especially after the George Carlin reference at the end, then you really need to lighten the fuck up!

Zombie tiiiiiiired.....

I have some stories saved up, but I've just been too damn tired to write them. Plus I've only been serving two shifts a week (thank you, HotPants, for not scheduling me everything I'm available. Jerk.), so not much blogfodder.

I am having an awesome time at the haunted house though! Well, okay, I've had a couple of nights that sucked and where I wanted to punch people. But tonight, for instance, was motherfucking amazing. I felt like I could climb the walls I was so hyper, and I had so much fun scaring, insulting, chasing, and twistedly hitting on customers. Nights like tonight are why I went back this year!

Although I did get mooned by jackass and have my ass grabbed by a dickhead. But I also had my tits repeatedly grabbed by a freaked-out chick who was trying to escape, so I guess that's a fair trade. Yeah, I'm straight, but not that straight.

TMI?

Thank you all!

I was going to post a comment on the entry, but I wanted to make sure everyone saw this. Thank you all, so much, for your comments regarding the abusive old asshole (two entries down). I felt better about it knowing that you all thought it was out of line, and that Lapdog didn't respond appropriately! So thanks, everyone, for reading and being on my side. :)

Regulars!

Well, it took freaking long enough, but I finally have some regulars who actually ask for me! One couple I'm ambivalent about -- they're not really good tippers and he always whines about the cost of the the shrimp pasta. But they're nice people, fun to talk to.

The others are excellent tippers, because she's a server as well. I randomly waited on them one day, and they just freaking loved me because I actually got their weird order right. It's not that weird, really -- it's just a little complicated. But ever since then, they've always requested me!

If I had more customers like these folks, I'd probably bitch a lot less!

Once again, people are assholes everywhere.

Long-time readers will remember that last year I worked in a haunted house. I was bored and decided to do it again this year, and once again, I can safely say that people SUCK everywhere. We're only three days in and I'm already tired of the assholes! Here's a hint: if you go to a haunted house, don't hide around corners and jump out at the actors and scream. That's my job, fuckface. It just makes you look like a tool. Standing in the middle of a scene with your arms crossed refusing to move doesn't prove you're a big man -- it just proves you're a cocksmack. We haven't had any crazy violent bitches who had to be escorted out by security yet (I got punched in the face by one of those last year), at least.

At least at this job when they piss me off I can scream at them! It's a good time despite the jerkoffs that have to prove they're big tough guys. One girl was crying literally crying last night, I'm twisted enough to have enjoyed that!

(ETA: After SkippyMom's comment, I can see how that came across as a little more evil than I really meant it. I meant it's a kind of job pride - although yes, you do have to be a LITTLE evil to work in a haunt!)

Maybe I can talk them into making a restaurant scene next year so I can scream about tips and children making messes .....