From the moment this woman's name popped up on my computer, I knew she was going to be a pain in my ass. I'm sorry, but some names are just unique to their generation. I don't even remember her name, but it was something nobody under 90 is named. It was like Mildred, but more archaic. And sure enough, she was a reaaaaaal peach.
"Ah wanna know whay mahy tay-vay ain't werkin!"
"We can definitely take a look at that for you ma'am. Can I get your name please?" Again, I could see it, but I needed to be sure it was her account.
That kind of took me aback. "I do need to make sure I have the right account in front of me, ma'am. May I please get your name?"
"I already did that!"
Time to pour on some of the charm that makes people love me. In my sweetest, cutest voice, I said, "I know ma'am, but you haven't done it with me. May I please get your name?"
"I'm WAITING." she snapped.
"Yes ma'am, I know. But I really do need to get your name so I can make sure I'm looking at the right equipment."
"I already gave my name!"
I looked in the account notes and saw where she'd given her name to the first agent and demanded someone in the U.S. Apparently the next agent didn't sound American enough for her, because she had refused to give her name or the problem to them either. Just would not speak except to say "ENGLISH". Oi. "I know ma'am, but I don't have it."
"Well, ya'll are just a real first-rate organization then, aren't ya!"
I gave up. QA could mark me down if they wanted. "Okay. Can you tell me what's on your screen right now?"
"Nothin! I don't have nothin!"
I hate when people tell me that. Because it's very rarely nothing. It's just not what they want. So I asked again. "Is there anything, does it say no signal or acquiring satellite signal?"
"No! Nothin! I wanna know why!"
Crotchety bitch. "Ma'am, can you please tell me what lights you see on your receiver?"
"What did you say?" she yelled, as if I'd said something offensive. I repeated it and she said there were no lights.
"Okay ma'am, can you please press the power button on the receiver and tell me what happens?"
She let out the biggest, most angry sigh I've ever heard and slammed the phone down, hanging up on me. I wonder if she'd realized the fucking receiver was off and was embarrassed.