Seriously, I DO have ears, bitch!

I have come so damn close to punching customers lately. A couple of days ago I had a crummy section -- what else is new -- and these two fortyish snotty women get sat at one of my booths. I knew they would be trouble the instant they pulled that "and weeeee are going to want separate checks!" while pointing exaggeratedly between themselves. Screw you, I speak English. I get that request about eighteen times a day. I think I can handle it.

Still, they were just your average ignorant women. I was annoyed they camped out at my booth, but they were fairly low maintenance so I tried to just ignore them. They got their food, they nibbled on individual lettuce leaves while bitching, I ignored them. Then as I was rushing by with my arms full of dishes, one flipped her hand at me. "Can I get more dressing?"

Several things happened at that point. I caught my breath (I was busy), I noticed she had the wrong size salad (wondering if I rang it in wrong or kitchen was wrong), and I was noting what salad dressing she had. So it took me a couple of seconds before I smiled and said, "Sure!"

I had not taken two steps when I heard the bitch speak. She used that "muttering behind someone's back" tone like you'd use when you don't want to say something to someone's face but also think they won't confront you if they do hear it. So I'm not five feet from the table and I hear "What, you had to think about that?" And her friend laughs.

I wheeled around and glared at her, and she pretended not to notice. I didn't even fake politeness after that. She can call and complain if she wants. Or she can shove it up her ass.