Friday, April 23, 2010

No, you shove it up YOUR fucking ass!

Last Friday was a shitty night for me. I came in at five, and at eight I had $6.07 in my pocket. I actually kept a list of how my tips increased for the next hour or two because I was so aggravated. And then I lost said list. But I think I hit twenty bucks at around ten. It was just a combination of a bad section, shit tippers, and campers; I ended up doing respectably by the time we closed at one in the freaking morning.

However, I could have lost my job that night. One of my friends, Katie, was in the section next to mine, and when I got there she had a table at two at a table in my section. It was an average-looking couple and I didn't think much about it until I happened to be in the kitchen when their food came up.

Katie came rushing up. "There's no sour cream on his baked potato, right?"
"Nope."
"Are you sure?" She seemed really stressed.
"Yeah, I'm sure."
"Okay. He's an ass, he said if there was any on his potato he would pick it up and fucking throw it me."
"What a jerk!" I agreed. But people say stupid shit like that all the time, there was no reason to think he was anything but your average Flaming Asshole. I was kinda busy taking care of my own table of douches--my single table of two drunk husbands and their sober, unamused wives who would tip me a combined $6.70 on their $97 ticket.

Katie was running around like crazy over the next half an hour or so, but Flaming Asshole didn't seem to be giving her much trouble. At one point, she was frantically searching for a manager to remove something from the jerk's tab, a salad substitution that they hadn't gotten. The Flaming Asshole wanted his tab, so I suggested she move the salad to a third guest and print out the ticket for only guests one and two. I had a niggling sort of feeling, like a mini premonition, and said something like "just have Bitter Divorced Man take it off before you run their card."

Ten minutes later, Katie is in the kitchen shaking and in tears. She couldn't even talk, and was so shocked and frustrated she couldn't tell anyone what would help or anything. She just kept going through the motions taking care of her tables. It's probably a good thing, because if she'd told me what happened before The Flaming Asshole left I think I'd've been fired.

It turns out that Katie was so flustered and so busy that she accidentally swiped Flaming Asshole's credit card for the full amount, including the salad substitution. She didn't notice until Flaming Asshole summoned her to the table to quiz her about the difference in prices. She of course apologized and said if he would give her just a minute she'd get it fixed. The amount of difference was a dollar, one solitary, even dollar.

Flaming Asshole's response: "You can shove it up your fucking ass!"

What kind of degenerate, uncouth, rude man says something like that to a sweet, bubbly twenty year old waitress? What sort of motherfucking bass-ackwards hillbilly son-of-a-bitch screams at a total stranger like that? Over a goddamn DOLLAR? I wish to god I'd been standing at the next table to overhear this, because I would not have been able to control myself. I might have gotten fired for it, but I would have gotten in that fucker's face about it.

Unfortunately, he was gone before I got the story. Katie is looking for another job and quitting as soon as she finds one--not so much because of what the guy said to her, but because she felt like Bitter Divorced Man didn't handle it right. I don't know exactly what he said or did, but she felt like he basically said she deserved it. I think that's more a matter of perception than truth, knowing him, but Katie is just furious and hurt and done with this place.

I can't say I really blame her. If someone had talked to me like that when I'd first started serving, I'd have reacted the same way.

9 comments:

Pat said...

Long time reader, first time commenter. I completely understand your reaction. I would, and have, yelled at assholes who say that kind of thing to servers.

I don't work in a restaurant, but I do retail, so I hate it when people like that are assholes for no reason. I live in Oklahoma, so I see a lot of drunken redneck hicks yelling about the tiniest thing. Which is why in my family, we always tip at least 20% and don't sweat the small stuff.

I just hope that Katie gets only good people the next night she works. And I hope that you all remember the guy's face and make sure to give him a little "extra seasoning" next time he comes in.

Anonymous said...

I feel so bad for Katie. Reading what happened to her made me cringe. People like that should not be allowed to dine with civilized people.

Naseem

the career waitress said...

it seems like mega assholes like this only unleash their shit on younger servers who don't have the experience to defend themselves. It's like they have an animal instinct that tells them "easy prey", and that warns them when they're dealing with someone who can verbally shred them and put them in their place.

David said...

I agree with the career waitress. You gotta develop the ability to stare them down. I was an easy target when I was young. You just have to stand there and give them a look that says, "your mother should be embarrassed."

The bigger issue is that your boss like 3/4 rds of corporate restaurant manager are too worried about letters to the home office to stand up for their staff. In reality, "he was being abusive to a member of my staff" is about the best justification I can think of for booting someone. Can you imagine how much differently the staff would look back on the evening?

purplegirl said...

Hi Pat! Glad you de-lurked. :) I used to work retail as well, and retail is its own special kind of hell. Good luck dealing with the redneck hicks, they're sooo much fun! And if I see that guy, I just might have to do something, um, not so nice!

Naseem, I agree. People like that should be locked in cages.

CW,I think you're right. I haven't had someone go off on me like that, or even close, in a long time--ever since I stopped being afraid of the mofos!

You're right about the managers, David. They're all in spineless fear of their jobs and will never back the staff up on anything. That would have been the best time possible for BDM to stand up for one of us!

Mary Sheehan Winn said...

Add Psychopath to my list on the previous post.
And....again.... your managers are total wimps :( I feel for you all.

Pademelon said...

What a dick! If I had been sitting at the next table and overheard, I would handed poor Katie a $5 to cover this asshole's dollar and told her to keep the rest of it and then I would have berated the man for making a poor waitress cry over a $1 mistake she was willing to get fixed. And for threatening to pelt her with baked potato and sour cream. And for being a waste of space and resources. The managers at most of the restaurants I've worked would have kicked him out and told him he was no longer welcome to visit in the future. I wouldn't find anything less to be acceptable, if I were in Katie's shoes.

purplegirl said...

"for being a waste of space and resources" -- I love it! :) You guys are right, my managers just suck. They're soooo afraid of the dreaded corporate complaint, it's ridiculous!

Masquerade said...

Holy. Shit. All I can say is I totally agree. That bastard would have gotten a potato covered in sour cream shoved up HIS ass, and I"d be hoping to god he was deathly allergic to dairy. Even now the only thing I could think of doing if that happened to me personally would be to stand there and blink for a few moments before going "EXCUSE ME??!" Poor Katie. Eventually she'll learn she has rights too, or she'll find a high-class place that doesn't cater to fuckwads.

<3